....

I cannot shut every mouth who condemns me.

I cannot slap the faces that look down on me.

I cannot force myself to smile every time they talk nonsense about me.

I just cant.

Today was bad. Last night I dreamed of a heyuuuge black wild boar played in front of my house. When it saw me, it tried to ram me with the tusks and I ran into the car. I tried to close the door but couldnt because one of the tusks was in the way.

I woke up with my heart beating fast. Really fast as if the dream was real.

That's how my day began. Later with some disturbing news from my friend didnt help much. I almost lost it and wanted to blame God for it. Astagfirullah.

And at the shop today, I dont even know this woman, have only met her few times but she already condemning me like I were her daughter. I did not foresee this circumstances and I still could'nt forecast the future. Kill me for that. 

Few tear drops did appear today, after so long. 

You can condemn me. But that's the limit I could swallow. Not Mom, especially. Not B too. These are my backbones from the past few months. Please.

I pray not for your misery but please be considerate. One day, if your daughter were ever in my shoes, you'll understand.