Blame

During my uni years, I would spend a lot of my allowance money on food. I would go eat anything that came across my mind. To have friends with the same mind and the accessibility of food around KL didnt help either.that's how I gained almost 10kg last time.

Now, I'm working, I worriedly found myself with a new obsession, which is to splurge unnecessarily. Everyday I woke up, returned home from work I would spend some times browsing online stores, coupon websites. I tot it was ok at first until this month. I got my monthly salary last week and today, a week later, I'm penniless. No joke. Why?

I want to blame it on something. Today I did a long hard thinking, reflection on things recently. And I arrived at a conclusion. There's a hole in my life that I find constant needs to fill. I love shopping. (Which girl doesnt? pfftt) Everytime I feel sad, or lonely, I would use the excuse to shop.

The hole is of course my husband. He's not here. I see him once or twice a month depending on our schedule. The travel is tiring for the both of us. Physically, emotionally and wallet-ly. is that even a word?hehe

I dont know when this will end. I hope soon. Sometimes I tot I couldnt handle this anymore. Sometimes I would break down and cry. Sometimes I just shopped. Sometimes I just ate like a pig.

I can appear to be whiny, needy. But it's the feeling that sometimes I couldnt contain to myself.I could appear strong, chirpy, happy in my writing, with friends and family. I could excitedly write about our past trips, future trips, sounded so interesting and excited but trust me, those were just vocabs to veil my emptiness.

Stop whining Nurul.