malu~

I entered Form 1 class today. It was a 2 period class. I was teaching imagery found in ‘Mr Nobody’ poem. For the 3rd development, I asked them to draw a ‘Wanted’ poster for Mr. Nobody on mahjong paper. The class was so noisy.  I tried to control. I shouted several times to control the situation. However, 5 minutes before the class end, I lost it.
I asked 2 representatives from each group to present their poster in front of the classroom. I didn’t know why but they were damn noisy. Really2 noisy that I lost my patient. This time I screamed! So loud even I couldn’t believe myself I could ‘throw’ that kind of voice. The class went silent. I threw a pemadam white board on the floor. Lucky I didn’t throw it to the kids. I packed my stuffs. And wished them ‘Good Luck for your exam’ and walked out.
I could hear the students were calling me. I kept on walking. I was not angry. But I gave up. I felt bad bout myself. Because I failed to control them. I kept walking so fast till 3 female students could catch me.
‘Cikgu marah ke?”
‘Tak..saya tak marah tapi menyampah!”
‘Cikgu, minta maaf cikgu. Kitorang memang macam ni”
‘Saya tau..and cikgu still trying to know each of you..i have 2 options: a nice teacher or a strict teacher. Saya taknak jadi strict because nanti korang semua tak enjoy belajar’
‘Cikgu, jangan marah-marah cikgu..cepat tua nanti’
‘Memang saya dah tua pun…hari –hari balik rumah check dalam cermin, ada je garis2 halus tumbuh kat mata ni..hehe’
‘Cikgu jangan marah eh’
‘Takla..saya biasa jer’

Later during recess, another 3 students came to apologize. I did not know what to say coz the truth is I am not mad. I am disappointed with myself that I had to sulk and left the class. That’s soooooooooooooo not cool!!
Just now, when I was teaching Form 4 class, another 4 students – the head of noise department in 1A class came to say sorry. Haish..dah jadi isu pulak,,
I shouldn’t leave the class. Now the permanent teachers knew about the story. Malu weh..but the problem is, I did not go and tell anyone. The students themselves went and told their teachers. Apsal la korang gtau..malu tau tak…
Tomorrow is Friday. Yeah!! But on Saturday ada gotong royong and LDP…T____T