Be strong as we always have Him

Alhamdulillah, we have safely arrived from Singapore for my cousin's funeral. His funeral was yesterday's afternoon. His body arrived from the hospital around 12pm, dimandi, dikafan, disembahyangkan dan ditanam di Singapore. I did not perform the jenazah prayer nor went to the tanah perkuburan. I guess I wasnt that strong.

Many people came today. Mostly were families and friend. From his friends, you know arwah was a very good person. He is described as someone jovial, humorous, full of life. His friends, from all backgrounds - caucasians, malays, chineses, indians etc came to pay their last respects to him.

I got to see his face.there were bruises. and bengkak. Ya Allah..please forgive all his sins and bless him.

When I think about arwah, how he spent the last minute on earth, alone, I cried. I never thought that death can be so scary. Especially when you were lying alone, no family, no friends beside you. Maybe there is a hikmah behind this. Somehow it made me wanting to be a better person. Life is indeed short. Why waste it?

I am rambling. because so many things are going on in my head. You know how our mind works? When I was young, I read a book about how our mind will store information just like in a cabinet, drawers etc. And that's my mental picture to remember things. When someone in your life died, you tend to dig into that drawer, looking for specific memories you have with the person. That's how I spent my time since yesterday. I recalled back our childhood memories, what we did together, how he annoyed us, when he chewed his chewing gum and many other things. Sometimes the memories brought smiles to my face. but most of the time, I cried. I cried because i know there is no chance for me to create another memory with him.

When I heard the news, I didnt cry. But when  I saw his body today, I cried like nobody's business. What ever happened to arwah, it was brutal. and for certain, none of us were ready to hear it.

I got to talk to his sister today. She said, all the tell tale signs that he was leaving were there. Her sister said suddenly he cleaned his room in the middle of the night. He threw out the rubbish, swept the floor and mopped it.at midnight. Then few weeks before the tragedy, he went to his nanny's stalls to lepak and bermanja everyday. He also waited for her to come home. His girlfriend said when they went out for dates, he always termenung. 

This post was a bit long and all jumbled up. I typed what ever appeared in my head. too many of them so i need to get them out asap. for what ever it is, I hope arwah will be blessed and may his soul rest in peace. Al Fatihah

You can read about what happen here. This became quite a news in Singapore. and please, bacalah Al-Fatihah untuk arwah.