Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Malu


The other day, I have this thought whether the way I perform my prayer is right. And today, Mom bought a book from her colleague. This book. God works in the most mysterious way, right? =)


Ensiklopedia Solat by Datuk Jahi Md Hashim Yahaya. A good read with detail explanations and illustrations.

The book is divided to many sections: types of solah, and other permasalahan wudhu, mandi wajib, etc. Bottom line: almost perfect.

The first thing I went to look for was Sujud Syukur. Honestly, I didnt know why I wanted to go specifically to that page but I did. And on the introduction page, I feel embarrass to Allah, and myself. There was this hadith from Muhammad PBUH about being thankful of everything that you have.

(I dont dare to translate it to English using my own words. Lotsa apologies )

Sabda Rasullullah S.A.W:

"Sesiapa yang tidak bersyukur dengan benda yang sedikit, dia juga tidak akan bersyukur dengan benda yang banyak".

(Riwayat Ahmad dalam Musnad Ahmad, Kitab Awal Musnah ahli Kufah: Bab baki Hadis al-Nu'man bin Basyir r.a.)


Those words speak to me, to my soul. I feet small, embarrased, ungrateful, timid. Because they are true.

I still have food in my belly.
I still have clothes on my skin, lot more in the cupboard.
I still have roof upon my head.
I still have laptop to play computer games.
I still have loving supportive family.

I cursed the government on daily basis.
My curses have replaced my dzikr to my Creator.
I cursed and cursed.
I cursed of the uncertainties.

But looking back, the government has made me happy for 6 years. The government gave me money to study, to buy clothes, to go for vacation, to prepare for my engagement. and I cant bear to be jobless for few months?

I know in few months, weeks, days if this situation continues am gonna collapse again. But this time I will curse no more. Like Kak Zizi said, "Crying doesnt meant that we are weak, but it means we have been standing for too long". Thank you kak *hugss*

There will be times that I feel like giving up because sometimes I do. But I wont stop believing that soon my rezki will arrive. I just dont know when. we just dont.

Malu. VERY.

p/s Belajar bersyukur Nurul. BELAJAR!!!!!!!!!!
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