Stress

• I'm in pain most of the time especially around my belly. The skin has become super tight and the recent stretchmarks + itchiness+ rashes make it worse. The pain is like someone is using knife to peel my skin or being poked with a needle. The only time it doesnt hurt is when I wash my belly with cold or warm water. Even during sleep, I would wake up caused by the pain.
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• When I'm not in pain, the skin itch like hell. No joke. It's not like just-rub-gently-it-will-go-away kinda. It's super itchy. I have tried many things but nothing seems to work. The only cure is to deliver the baby.
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• For both pain and itch, I dont dare to use any medication. Especially around belly area. My doc warns me that the medication could sip through the crack and gets to baby. All I can do is endure. Same goes to the rashes. Nothing can be done. Endure mommy endure.
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• I dont tell a single thing to my family. Except when Mom noticed the rashes around my ankle only then I told her. Even then not so much detail. The only person I go complaining  to is my husband, rant on Twitter or Blog. It's easy to feel lonely. I just donno how to share how I feel to my family unless they ask.
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• When I rant on Twitter or Blog, some said I'm not grateful. This made me super sad.
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• I'm tired most of the time. At night, sleep is troubled by the itch or pain or other discomfort. Lack of sleep leads to fatigue. I'm tired. Tired and I can feel my emotion becomes unstable. I cry easily, get angry or annoyed easily. Super sensitive that even I hate myself sometimes.
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• Financial isnt good right now. We are tight on budget. But still manageable. I'm worried for the future. The constant travelling is damaging our pocket. Saving is getting lesser. I'm worried we cant afford.
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• Apart from all the things I mentioned above, I'm stress about the baby delivery. He's getting bigger, thanks to me who munch non-stop. I'm worried he wont be able to get through safely. Let me stress that I'm not worried for myself. I'm worried about my baby. I'm scared halfway through the pushing stage he wont be able to come out then have to go for emergency C-sec. I'm scared he would be so distress that he would poop and eat the poop, or he gets distress that he plays around the umbilical cord and choke or he just runs out of air ketuban. I can only imagine the worst. And THIS IS MY BIGGEST SOURCE OF STRESS.