Dreams

At the end of April, I dreamed of getting pregnant.

In that dream I just found out I was pregnant with another child.

Once it happened, when a few days  the UPT test showed double lines.

Not sure to be ecstatic or what because I totally didn't expect to conceive THAT fast, almost 2 months after I removed implanon and my period cycle was still unstable.

Anyhoo, that's rezki.

A week after that, there was a gush of water coming out from my down under. Went to see a doctor but the doc didn't have the answer. A lot of senior colleagues assured me it was nothing to be worried about.

The water came 3times. Clear, odorless liquid. By the 3rd time it happened, I was having a bad cough. And this doctor, with a stern voice told me I should've gone to the hospital. I did go. But the O&G doctor was away. It was Friday.

That night I had another dream. I lost the baby. I didn't see the baby but I dreamed of having a miscarriage with the blood and all.

Waited till Monday, after work B and I headed to the new hospital in Melaka. A female O&G who used to work with Melaka General Hospital. She's nice and a cool doctor. Hehe

Anyhow, the scan was worrying. At least to me. The size didn't match the week I was supposed to be. I was in week 9 where the heartbeats should be easy to detect. There was a small dot, about 1.3cm (week 9 should be around 3cm) and there was nothing inside the circle. I compare the size to Minmin's scan at 9th week. He already showed hands at that age but this baby, nothing. dr Hayati set another appointment the following week to see the progress.

Went home, did what most of us like to do, google About our condition, trying to match the symptoms with those  found on the Internet and scared the hell out of our lives.hahahahaha don't lie.

Googled about blighteD ovum and trying to sink with the reality.

Maybe I thought too much about it, I had another miscarriage dream that night.

I told B the next day, sort of preparing him mentally about what's coming our way coz based on my google research, there was almost zero hope for blighted ovum.

Sooooooo another week passed. Which is today.

I started having spotting down under since yesterday (Sunday) and today the bleeding started. Ok it sounds scary and like I'm dying but it's just bleeding and till now I'm just having regular cramps. Nothing serious.

Anyhow, today's appointment has confirmed that the ovum is not progressing

. And the scan shows that the area around the circle has started to bleed. Which means no baby. Dr Hayati sets a DNC (dunno what it stands for but it is to clean the womb so nothing unnecessary remains in there which could lead to serious bleeding and hard to get pregnant bla bla bla.

The process will be tomorrow. I'm a chicken when it comes to pain. Serious chicken. I just hope 

tomorrow will go fast. I yizzzzz scared with anything to do with my down under.hahahahaahahah

Please pray for me.