Tuesday, August 31, 2010

a girl behind her door

she's dizzy
the phone call broke heart
she hold her tears
but failed

she let the tears flowed
she holds the phone tight
she buried her head 
hoping to say good night

she felt empty
she felt dizzy
she felt lonely
when will she be happy?

wee hour in the morning
the girl behind the door
cried her heart helplessly

yea you broke my heart!
Saturday, August 28, 2010

Nanti abang mesti sayang~

today was a mother-daugther outing. My mak and I went for Baju raya shopping together.boy it was hard choosing a baju raya. the day was scorching hot and i was damn thirsty. so the 13th baju kurung i saw, that's my baju raya. tak peduli da design..just wanna go home and sleep.hee

but that's not what i want to story mory here. after the outing, Mak wanted to get her hair cut so we decided to go to the saloon in our village. i love this saloon. it's a very very small with one area to cut your hair and another area just beside the one mentioned for hair wash. but i love this even more than Alan Saloon. gives you the homey feeling. and the hair dresser knows my family too! Cucu Haji Mustafa ka? oo yang dudok brunei itu ka? oo yang bapak ada dua bini itu? hehehe cute.

so back to story, mu mom got her hair cut and since my mum was going to pay, i wanted to wash my hair. my mom asked me to trim my hair a little bit but i dowan. sayang~~ so after my mom, it was my turned to get a hair wash. the lady was a chatty. she told my mum that :

auntie: 'Kau tak kerja kan? telinga kau banyak ong!' --> it's common to use kau and aku in my village
(you are not working rite? you have lucky ears!)

my mum: iye ke? mana you tau?
(really?how do you know?)

auntie:kau punya telinga punya bawah ni tebal..kau tak payah risau pasal duit..sentiasa senang..duit sentiasa ada 
(your earlobe here shows that you have a lucky life. no problem with money..always got money)

then of course i compared with mine. i have the same ears like my mum.heheheheheheheheheh

then after the shamppoing session, massaging (ooh i love this part the most)..it was turn to wash my hair. so i lied on the special chair. when the autie washed the area around my neck and behind my ears,i started to giggle as it was so ticklish...geli2...i couldnt stop myself from laughing.i got goosebumps ok sebab geli...then the auntie told my mum:

auntie: dia ni cepat geli..nanti abang mesti sayang

my mum: hoh?

auntie: ye la kalau geli macam ni abang mesti sayang..

hahaha really? B, do you sayang me?

Friday, August 27, 2010

fynn jamal - 150 juta

The other day, watched this video posted on Facebook. I dont always watch any video on FB but the cover caught me. it was a lady with wide hijab holding a guitar. then i watched it. Instantly i felt in love with the song. it was simple, simple melody, simple lyric and sang by unknown singer. Fynn Jamal exactly. but in the video, it was sung by another girl, not the original singer. but here i present you the original singer.hee
Enjoy it peeps!

Untuk kali keseratus lima puluh juta
Mereka tanyakan engkau soalan yang sama
“Eh kenapa kau masih lagi mahukan dia?”
“Apa kau buta, apa kau pura-pura suka”
Di seratus lima puluh juta kali itu
Di depan semua engkau tarik tangan aku
Yang sedang buat muka kosong tak ambil tahu
Sambil ketawa engkau bilang satu per satu
“Dia mungkin bengis seperti singa”
“Tapi dia nangis tonton cerita Korea”
“Dia mungkin keras bila bersuara”
“Tapi dia jelas, jujur apa adanya”
“Aku lagi kenal dia”
Dah lebih seratus lima puluh juta kali
Aku pesan padamu apa yang bakal jadi
Engkau dan aku ada mungkin tidak serasi
Engkau sangat manis, aku ini pula dawai besi
Di setiap seratus lima puluh jutanya
Aku pun dalam hati semacam tak percaya
Apa kau lihat pada aku jujurkan saja
Terus kau cubit dagu aku, sambil berkata
“sayang mungkin baran tak kira masa
tapi sayang tahan kalau yang salah saya
sayang mungkin saja keras kepala
tapi sayang manja bila kita berdua–
saya kenal sayang saya”
Buat apa dicerita
Bahagia kita rasa
Biar tak dipercaya
Peduli orang kata
Baju ronyok tak apa
Asal pakai selesa
Berkilau tak bermakna
Kalau hati tak ada
Aku lebih bengis dari sang naga
Tapi bisa nangis semata demi cinta
Suaraku keras tak berbahasa
Kerna aku rimas gedik mengada-ngada
Aku mudah baran tidak semena
Mana boleh tahan angin cemburu buta
Dan aku sengaja tunjuk keras kepala
Aku punya manja, kau saja boleh rasa
Rahsia kita berdua..

lyric copied from here
Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Suicide case in UKM

Last night, there was news i heard through a friend and facebook about a student committing suicide. There are many versions of the story. The first one i heard was she tried to cut her arm but the newest version i heard she jumped out of her room. Bottomline, some one decided to end her life yesterday.Hmmm...this is sad. it was said that this Chinese girl is a first year student who just broke up with her boyfriend. Some says she's pregnant - erego the suicidal attempt.Some say she's not dead yet but some said she did upon arriving at the hospital. This incident happened yesterday morning.

We have options in life. So sayang..she's still in her first year. Still very young. 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010
in Sarawak dialect, 'BERAIE' means deeply missing somebody or something. and i am in beraie mood. 

when i'm sad, i eat.oh food makes me happy~

6 years and going strong!

p/s bila la aku nak kahwin ni?
p/p/s kumpul harta dulu bole tak baru kahwin?gatal!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Every evening the sky cries~

Seems like it's going to rain every evening. The worst thunder storm i ever experienced in my life was last Monday. I went out alone to but meals to break fast. Before that, the weather was fine. though there were thunders everywhere. once i drove on the road, it started pouring heavily. really heavy that i couldnt see any other vehicles except their dimmed red light.

I smsed Ain telling her i was caught in this merciless weather. She asked me to stop somewhere until the rain stops. i thought about that too. i saw many cars parked at the roadside.Despite Ain's urged, i drove back carefully.i couldnt drive more that 40km/h. it was a nightmare for me. i didnt want to stop at the road side because there were trees. i was scared the trees will fall on the car. i just dont want to die alone!

i turned off the radio.i prayed.i istigfar as much as i can. i never prayed so hard in my life. i prayed the lightning will struck other people, other car.just not me.the 10 minutes journey became almost half an hour. but i survived. alhamdulillah.

it was scary alright. can u imagine, you are out there driving alone where you could almost see nothing except 1 meter parameter around your car, the thunders were crazy, there lightning was too much as if God is playing  Paparazzi with you. and you were ALONE. i knew that time i dont want to be alone. at least if i die, or struck by lightning, i would be in UKM, near friends or near people who know me.

and yesterday, it seemed like it was raining like a bucket.i took pictures of the heavily pregnant komulonimbus clouds.

it was raining. but nothing like what on Monday.bagusnyer...

K people.i should be editing my Chapter1 of my mini thesis. Bye! Have a good day.

Happy 8th Ramadhan!
Sunday, August 15, 2010


i have to take back my words. I am not sending back the car. too depressing to take the bus. So, i have decided. my mum begrudgingly agreed with this decision after i told her bout my experience in the previous post. Sorry Mak. THis daughter of you is very degil..hoho...

so here it is. I'm back on road baby! but this time i am setting rules that i should and must stick to to ensure future expenses is selamat:

Go to class by bus.
Dont go out unless necessary.

That's all i think.Hope everything will be fine. Please mood, dont be emotional.

Happy 6th Ramadhan sisters!
Friday, August 13, 2010

kereta myvi dah hantar balik~

minggu ni, aku pulangkan balik kereta myvi mak aku yang aku pinjamkan.sedih woo...dengan kereta tu la aku dah takluk satu KL..woo woo..tp nak buat macam mana..bukan kereta aku..mak aku punya..lagipun nak mantain duit minyak sangat le susah untuk kaki jalan macam aku. fyi, parents aku takde bagi duit minyak ke atau kad kredit tok isi minyak ye. harap maklum.

million thanks to my room mate, Ain for her endless supports. though she never reads my blog.inila satu-satunya insan yang memahami kesukaran aku bawak kereta. yang support duit minyak  ngan tol walau aku tak mintak. kadang-kadang belanja aku makan kalau aku tak nak amik duit dia bagi. terima kasih. walaupun aku menolak, tapi jauh di sudut hati bersyukur ada kawan yang memahami. Dia cakap sama-sama keluar..sama-samala bayar kan.hehe thanks ain.sebab aku pun student lagi.mana mampu nak tuang minyak selalu..

thank you as well for being really understanding. bawak kereta ni banyak mencabar emosi aku. terutama dengan kawan-kawan. yang touching nya bukan main. yang buat aku macam driver pun ada. yang dulu bole je jalan kaki sepuluh batu tapi bila aku ada kereta nak juga dihantar di depan pintu/tangga. takpe. aku still sayang korang. pastu masalah myvi yang tak bole muat ramai-ramai.takut jugak ada yang kecik ati bila kena tinggal.susah woo.. *sila jangan fitnah cakap aku mengungkit ye..kalau aku dengar aku pegi lempang je*

actually aku bawak kereta untuk kemudahan aku balik rumah everyweek especially during Ramadhan. aku pun tak tau how i survived last year balik kampung naik bus turun bus sampai 4 jam. tp bila imagine balik macam tak sanggup je.tu la bawak kereta. tp seperti sebab-sebab di atas, it's better tinggal je kat rumah. naik je limousine aku kat ukm tu.

oh B pun cakap, tak yah bawak.lebih banyak masalah dari kelebihan.sedih nyer....baru aku faham perasaan orang yang bawak kereta.selama ni aku selamba je kutuk diorang.kate berlagak la.sombong la. rupanya ada sebab.B cakap duit minyak ni sensitif. tu yang sampai bole bergaduh. aku dah pegi IKEA dekat 3x. pergi balik dalam 20 duit minyak.oo itu tak masuk kalau aku sesat.haha..kalau kereta kancil jimat kot. tp myvi aku ni tak berapa.haish~ dan lagi satu..tol...gila la mahal...sabar je la..patutla bapak aku very the berkira duit tol ni..aku suka pakai touch n go je. so tap tap tap..tinggal rm3...orang tak nampak mahal coz tap je.aku yang top up every week. kadang-kadang time nak top up tu rasa nak nangis or nak pegi register jadi pengundi nak undi pembangkang plak..hahah mahal siot. dari bangi pegi SG besi yang sekangkang rimau tu pon rm2.70. tak masok kalau nak gi shah alam ikut high way ke. that's why most of the time aku insist pakai jalan jaoh. janji tak bayar tol. jadi orang yang cakap aku kedekut bed'ah ni sila fikirkan balik ye. i yang tap. you duduk je.tau? tak tau...meh sini top up rm50..see how long the money stay.

itu je la luahan hati ku. please la yang baca benda ni jangan sekali-kali cakap aku nak mengungkit ke, mengumpat ke, tak sedar diri ke, sombong ke.ni pa yang aku alami selama bawak kereta ni.kalau ada yang terasa, aku mintak maaf.bulan puasa tak baik touching2. kalau korang touching dengan ape yang aku cakap, then do reflection. mesti ada sebab korang terasa.but dont worry.still love you all though. hope you all love me too. 

Happy 3rd Ramadhan!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010
i need to eat. but i dont know what to eat.i need somebody to accompany me. i want my family. real bad.

i want to eat home-cooked food. no food in the world can beat food at home during Ramadhan. true story!

this is emotional. i want to be home!

i have weird dreams last night~

a very sad one though..it started like this. I was in a middle of doing something, as if i was already working. my colleague and I were supposed to go somewhere and we were inside a car. the beginning of the dream was blur as i couldnt really recall. but heading towards the climax, my colleague who is now my bestfriend ( i assume my bestfriend - you'll find out later) were in the middle of the ocean.

Both of us were trapped and sucked into the crazy waves. the waves twirled and swirled like a big tornado. we cried for help. i prayed to be saved from the disaster. and we did. Few minutes later we were almost at the shore.the feeling felt real. i could hear my heart pumping. i could feel my clothes were wet. i hugged my friend. we're safe!!

but not for long. a few minutes later, a heyyuuggee wave came and crashed on us. Once more we were pulled back into the ocean. it's like the tsunami have hitted on us. I can feel i was drowning. i had trouble breathing. i tried to go up to the surface but the tide was crazy. i tried to look for my friend. she or he was nowhere to be seen. Again i prayed, Dear Allah, if you let me live, i would be a good muslimah'. that was exactly my prayer. no kidding!

few seconds later, i lied on the sea shore, breathing like a machine and tired as hell. i pulled myself together. the ocean/beach had turned back to normal. no big waves, the sky was clear but my friend was nowhere to be seen. i knew that time he or she has gone. i looked around. i saw something moving under the beach sand. i digged them out. it was Ah Sze, my classmates. apparently she experienced the tsunami as well. i asked where's the rest of the friends. she gave me empty look.i knew they were all gone.

i shouted for my friend. i cried. i wept. the feeling was unbearable. then i saw my CARLO RINO bag. i tried to reach for it.but i couldnt remember if i ever got it back. soon later, people were crowding the beach. many reporters came.

out of a sudden, i was in a room. full of people who tried to provide help or investigate the weird phenomena that just happened. i was the main attraction because i survived. One of the people who interviewed me was Dr. Radzani and his friends. In real, Dr Radzani was my practicum supervisor. He wore the same blue shirt that he always wear.haha..

back to the weird dream, i remembered towards the end i cried a lot. everytime people asked me bout my friend, i cried. watched the news i cried.there was part that Dr Radzani asked two girls to dress exactly how my friend and i dresses before the tragedy.it was weird though. it's like a bit of CSI was incorporated into that dream where sometimes the CSIs would react to get the answer. anyway, one of the model was Erin Malik. Go google if you want to know more. she was scolded for not posing as what Dr Radzani wanted.i pitied her so asked her to join me for ice cream.

then whooossh! we were in Queensbay Mall, Penang. We were in front of Baskin Robbin ice cream booth. i was contemplating whether to order ice cream or just go for drinks. wah..i was still a cheapskate in the dream. in the end Erin ordered 3 scoops of ice cream

we sat and chatted bout what just happened to me. again i cried. though she was literally stuffing her mouth with ice cream, she asked me who's that my friend who lost in the tsunami.i answered, 'My best friend'.

that's pretty much my weird dream.dont ask me who's that my best friend. i dont remember.or actually i didnt really look at her face.but i know she was someone special and the fact that i lost her really hurts me and broke my heart.

Few things i've learnt from my dream:
1. it's weird.
2. be a good muslimah because even in my dream i was given a second chance by Allah.
3. Material possession is nothing when you lost everything. My carlo rino handbag was useless anyway!
4. i watched too much of CSI...haha
5. i am real cheapskate..

i still have vivid memories of struggling in the water.it felt real. it was scary. it was no escape.i hope i wont ever be in that situation in real life. please, no dejavu.it's scary enough in the dream.

K peeps, hhappy fasting!!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Fahamila perasaan sesama perempuan

pagi ni aku emosi. baru bangun tido. ditegur di YM. dihidangkan kisah-kisah rumah tangga yang aku sakit hati. sakit hati sebagai wanita kalau aku diperlakukan sebegitu. Wanita makhluk yang tabah tapi sekali disakit kan hati, sampai bila-bila luka tu stay.

benda ni tak berlaku pada aku. tapi to a good friend of mine. the second strongest woman i met after my mom. She is married since two years ago. A very devoted wife who's juggling between studying and marriage. Currently eating for 2 since 5 months ago.

She's been cheated by her husband approximately 2 years ago. Meaning since the beginning of the marriage.

Aku emosi. aku marah. aku sedih. lebih2 lagi yang puncanya juga seorang wanita. Lelaki memangla kau sorongkan pelacur pon layan. tapi perempuan tu tau yang lelaki tu dah bersuami, bakal ada baby. boleh selamba post dekat FB baru dapat hadiah dari boyfriend. Sapa boyfriend tu? Suami orang yang ada isteri ditinggal mengusung perut boyot pergi kelas turun naik bas sebab suami kedekut nak bagi kereta tapi boleh manjakan girlfriend yang dah sah-sah haram masuk neraka dengan kemewahan. ye aku marah!

mungkin korang cakap kawan aku tak pandai jaga suami la ape la.Honestly bandingkan kawan aku ngn aku, dia memang perfect. Cantik, penyabar, berdikari. Kalau kau dah busted husband kau kat hotel dengan perempuan lain, paling busuk pun kau maki hamun dia depan orang ramai. tapi dia tak. masih cool. masih cakap lembut-lembut. jumpa husband still cium tangan. still layan macam takde papa yang jadi.

tapi kawan aku tak.masih sabar. masih bagi peluang. Kau tahan ke sambutan anniversary ke dua cuma dapat phone call je dari husband tapi girlfriend dapat earring yang dihebohkan dekat Facebook? Kalau anniversary pergila jumpa isteri yang bawak anak kau.busuk-busuk pun belanja makan. jumpa dia. perempuan taknak hadiah mahal pun. takde hadiah pun takpe. tapi pergila jumpa.

ish emosinya aku.aku geram. kalau isteri yang jahat kau buat macam ni takpe. tapi isteri kau baik. sangat baik

lagi satu aku geram perempuan tu bole bincangkan plan - plan something la untuk kawan aku. plan ape?orang tu dah jadi bini orang. kau tu je mistress. tak sedar diri lagi.

LEpas ni sapa2 yang rasa potensi marriage wrecker tu, please la back off. aku betul-betul benci orang macam ni. tambah-tambah lagi orang tu dah ada anak. punyala banyak lagi lelaki kau nak ngan orang dah kawen buat ape. cheap gile. takyah la bagi alasan kuno just kawan ke, laki tu nak jumpa ka.blah blah. ni semua potensi. kau suka la. cuba kau jadii isteri orang tu. 2 tahun kena tipu. tup2 kantoi. ada anak lagi. hancur hati perempuan tau tak. so please la. jangan jangan jangan. kesian la sesama perempuan.

lagi satu, hari ni kau happy esok lusa karma tu datang balik lelaki orang tu boleh tipu kau lagi. sedangkan bini sendiri dia boleh tipu apatah lagi perempuan perasan disayangi macam kau. so fikir-fikir la. lepas ni sapa-sapa story mory ngan aku nak pergi jumpa suami orang although as friend but god knows your intention bak sini aku sembur sekali.sudah-sudah la. orang tu dah kahwin. faham tak!
Monday, August 9, 2010

i've learnt bits from here and there~

Howdy everybody!

I've been busy or caught up with my boring life since few days ago and hence no updates. But i used some times which i stole few seconds from all the boring routines i did to stop and reflect about everything. and i also learnt a little bit from that.

1. writing an academic essay is not a piece of useless thoughts. i salute my friends who really can sit down and type where as i need days to think of one particular sentence.it is hard but paid off when my supervisor approved my work and walla! i've done 3 chapters. thank you for making me happy madam! =)

3. Having a car give me headache.really.i sacrifice something to buy me the conveniences to go anywhere i want.i have explored the whole KL up to Klang since my mum let me used her car.it was fun.but the $$$ runs like the river.haishoo...and i'm the type who likes to see the fuel meter to be full all the time.

4. i love my family. i just came back from a short vacation in Penang and i enjoyed every seconds of it. ooh..i dont know how to tell you but really really i love my family. Did you know i have the cutest pair of niece and nephew?hehe well you should coz there aint any cute baby in the world after them =).

5. i've learnt that there's a new way of feeding the baby.it's a cool device i have ever seen. it's like a milk bottle but at the cover, there's a spoon attached to it.the mummy has to squeeze the bottle to get the food out and feed the baby. walauweh! baru tau ok.easier.no splashing, not frustration.hehe

i know my life is boring.been told once. but who cares. my definition of being cool is totally different by any of you. i've never been to any club.i dont drink. i dont own thousand boyfriends. i dont do sex before marriage.i wear hijabs. i am a stay-home person. i dont smoke. i dont own designer pieces.i dont go out at night.i love AXN channel. i love my mum's cekodok. i drink nescafe 3-1 regular. and i am fleshy.

so buzz off.i dont need anyone definition to be cool.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

thesis thesis thesis?

i've been living my life stressfully for the past few days - thingking, draftng, typing, writing, reading, scrutinizing, screaming - aiya you get the picture..hehe

i am currently on my thesis writing or academic writing, they call it here.for those who have been in this process you would understand.

but mind you, i was just finished writing the thesis proposal..not the actual one. now i am crossing my fingers that my supervisor will approve my topic. doing proposal also took me almost 3 days doing research.aigoo~

but i want to make sure all done before going to Penang this weekend.Yihuu!! cant wait!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010

i am not afraid!


is a very motivating song by Eminem.

i am not a big fan of him but somehow all his songs can be related to me. ya..i've been listening to his tunes since secondary school.hehe

currently, i love this song to put my spirits up high.

so many things are happening. and all are out of control. enjoy the video peeps!

get the lyric  here
Sunday, August 1, 2010

once upon a time at Whisk Bar

Once upon a time, there's a girl who's in a really bad mood. So she asked her friend to go somewhere and off they went. They were unsure where to go in Bangi and suddenly oopppssie!!, there already tapped their Touch N Go card at Sg Besi toll. the grumpy girl drove the car unknown where they were heading to until they found a beautiful palace at the road side of the jammed highway. a white and heyuuugeeee building and seems pretty new. The girl ticked-tocked her car signal and they were out of the highway with a very dangerous degree of curiosity about what's inside that beautiful building.

pic's courtesy of google

they parked their car safely at the carpark. both girls seemed excited - because they were unsure what's waiting inside.the grumpy girl's friend was hungry. so they went to food hunting until they saw a unique bar from afar.it was a coffee bar. 

they were attracted by the ambiance of the bar -soothing and relaxing. they entered the bar. they saw many food -some had never met their eyes before.both of them were sakai-ing taking pictures and unsure what to order. Lucky for them, there's a very friendly boy (waiter) who seemed to ignore the girls' sakai-ness. He politely explained to these kampung girls of their specialties and the girls decided to go  for what the boy suggested. Both girls ordered a slice of Red Velvet cake and 10 pieces of macarons with cappuccino.

While waiting for their order, they found a cosy place at the corner of the bar. they sat and chatted. the grumpy girl were much happier at this point. soon later, their cake arrived. the grumpy girl's tongue was happy to taste the cake. it was moist, not too sweet and yummeh! though the cake looked devilish red, it was something extraordinary. she even tot she'll never eat at Secret Recipe again.hoho no la...

then their cappuccino and macarons were served. both girls were curios about macarons. the macarons were colourful and small yet a lit bit expensive. so the girls each took one macaron and stuffed into their mouth. first bite, both girls blurted all the complements, the sweetness, the softness that little things. Second bite, ouch...really really tooo  sweet. Luckily the waiter there suggested Cappuccino as the drink. the bitter taste of the coffee blended really well with the too-sweet macarons.

it comes with different filling - blue for peanut butter and pink for rose. the rest couldn't remember..hee

at the end of the meal, both girls were sugar-rushed! they were giggling, laughing and teasing each other. and not to forget, camwhoring as well =)...they couldn't finish all the macarons so the grumpy girls wrapped them and kept in her handbag hoping they wont get crushed. they are too fragile!

after that, both girls walked around the palace.it's a newly opened shopping mall. not many people around. The inter-deco was really new. but not too much and relaxing.

both girls were happy. and wished to return back and eat the red velvet cake.heehe macarons? nah~

the grumpy girl was extremely happy already =))
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