What goes around.....

....comes around....eventually.

This is one fundamental concept I learn this new year. There was so much fuss on my Fb timeline about this expose vs expose in Singapore. Not gonna talk about the expose but I was curios why there are so much hatred against this lady. So I did a little research. Well, useless coz it doesnt concern me but hey,I was curious.

Well, to sum it up, this lady loves to throw stones at people since she was younger in the industry. The one thing I couldnt accept how she would insult someone else's baby and now that she is her mother herself, the stones were coming back at her. Though it is NOT RIGHT to involve young innocent baby in the hatred-conflict, she had it coming by the way. I pity the baby though coz to me, the baby is super cute. hehe

Anyhoo, that's karma, or whatever concept you believe. Things you do today might turn back at you, to hurt you or worse your loved ones. Unless it's a good one.

Since I become a mother, I am really scared anything bad or harmful happen to Minmin. Nauzubillah...I hope he will always be under the blessing around the people who love him.

So, let's be a better person today. Whenever you feel like bashing someone on social media like FB, twitter, blog, stop and reflect. We are not perfect. They arent too.

Be nice. One day it could be our turn.

 

This is so true. We could realize it, but so much later after endless of reflections. 

Be nice. A strict reminder, to myself!

I fell in love over and over again

I was lifting Minmin from my bed to put him into his own cot just few minutes ago. I stopped for a moment and just stared at him. I used to hold him like that in my arms when he was much a baby. I stared at his face scrutinizing every details. From the nose and below, he got the features from me. The nose, the lips and the chin. I watched his chest moved when he inhaled and exhaled. Then my eyes moved to study his bottom. He's grown so much as both his legs extend longer than he was a baby.

Minmin physical now resembles a little boy than a baby. He is tall, definitely he didnt get the gene from the midget me. Hehe my baby has grown.

I am so melancholic tonight. Watching my baby i gave birth more than a year ago grows so much. I guess all mothers experience the same thing too. We feel like they grow too fast.

I'm not sure for others but for me motherhood came bit by bit to me. As much as i wanted to be like those moms i saw on tv or read in the novels, i struggled my way through motherhood for the first year. I experienced baby blues the first few weeks Minmin arrived. Then the struggle to breastfeed him which in the end i failed, then came the endless cycle of pumping for milk, Minmin refusal for frozen EBM so I had to depend on chilled ebm drown me into mild depression. And of course my husband was away most of the time though he tried to cheer from far but it wasnt the same to be physically close tho.hehe maybe i was being a baby. Maybe I was a baby who had another baby when i was not ready. Funny, because i thought i was 100% ready to raise a human being.hahaha

Lucky though i stay with my parents. They were there when i had my rainy days when i was so tired after work, when i was so tired with B's pending transfer, when i was tired of pumping. My family was there and with that i am truly grateful.

My life improved so much when Minmin hit 1-year-old. When i decided to stop pumping tho actually God knows how guilty i felt at that time. I know I told my husband,my parents or even in my blog how happy i was with my decision but Allah knows how much i cringed when people brought up the issue of breastfeeding, when people around me wasnt supportive of my decision. The only person who stood by was my husband although i knew in his heart he wished his son to receive the best till at least 2 years old. He never forces me and that's why I love him.

Ok back to my life improvement, when i stopped pumping once Minmin celebrated his 1st birthday I noticed the changes in me. I was not as tired as i used to be. And the most important thing is i didnt feel stress which i used to feel on daily basis FOR 1 YEAR!. The stress to fulfill the demand, the stress of not having enough rest when i woke up at night and early morning to pump and also the work at school. I only realise i was very unhappy after i stopped pumping. Because it had been my routine for a year i didnt notice it till i stopped. NOW I feel more energetic, i have extra time to rest, to catch up with my reading and also to be a mother.

So when i looked at minmin just now i had a pang of guilt because for a year i didnt really enjoy being a mother. Tho i tried but i know i didnt try enough. I didnt sit with him and played, but most of my free time (well i didnt hv free time anyway).was spent on expressing milk, school work, stole some time to nap or just being depressed. And this problem also affected my marriage a lil bit but the rough time had passed. Alhamdulillah.

I'm still improving myself. Starting to pay more attention to Minmin. Starting to teach him things, objects, language. We had our usual evening walks if it wasnt rain and now i am starting to cook for him. I am starting to feel like a true mom finally.

I am not sure what's the purpose of this post. But when i read back what i just typed i am glad i did this. My life was  chaotic this whole year. And i am going to change it. For us for minmin. Hehe

Not sure whether other moms experienced the same thing as me. I love Minmin all my heart buy i stop loving myself hence the stressful year i had. I'm starting all over again. And i hope the future will treat us better.

One after another

If one day i were ever to host any top position, i hope i wont be a douche like the boss who has been lying to us close to a year now. And now he's avoiding the fact that it's our right that he had promised a year ago.

In this holy month, I hope God clears your mind so that you can sleep peacefully at night after all the lies and hopes you threw on us.

I'm trying so hard to let this go and redha to all the current happenings i just cant.because we had hope and we trust all the beautiful promises from the boss.

Ramadhan,bring peace to my heart because i'm scared i wont be.

Fasting and nursing

This is my first ramadhan as a mom. A nursing mom. And after 11 days I can conclude that, it's exhausting.

No wonder a pregnant/nursing mom has their own rules for fasting. I had always wondered why is there a special rule for this group. Last year, I managed to fast for 30 days despite being pregnant. and I understood why. This year, I have a deeper understanding why nursing moms are special.

Before ramadhan, I asked a colleague how is it to fast as a nursing mom. She told me she'd always feel tired at the end of the day. and i finally understood why.

As milk is made mostly from water, I'm thirsty most of the time. Even at night after buka puasa. I drank gallons of water to replenish and I could say it's still not enough. and as a nursing mom, I burn calories which leads to exhaustion. Everyday I came home feeling super tired and all i wanted to do is to lay on the bed waiting for Maghrib.

No wonder moms are super human. I hope I will be one and stop whining how tired i am.haha

Ramadhan

Another silence. I guess i have lost the touch of blogging.there are just so many things i want to ramble but i think age has made me wiser hence so many things are better keep inside instead of telling the world. Wow! Sound like an auntie here.

Another Ramadhan is here. I was down with bad sore throat on the first day of fasting then fever came then flu and phlegm.

Alhamdulillah today all left except i'm still coughing. Very badly. I was in class teaching today when suddenly the wave of cough hit me. I literally coughed non stop in front of 20 pairs of eyes looking worriedly at me.it ran for about 2 minutes and at then of it i was breathless, watery eyes, red face and hopeless. I wanted to run as far as i can.....ok that's just too dramatic.but i did feel embarrass and vulnerable coz my students got to see that side of me.....haha

Happy Ramadhan peeps ��

Hari inggar sedunia

Hari ni hati macam nak panas je.macam macam hal dari pagi tadi. Tadi pulak sorang sembang kencang cakap jadi exclusive pumping mom ni senang je. Aku rasa macam.....haihhhhhjj

Kalau senang takde la aku salu dok emosi bagai.kalau senang takdela aku salu duk ngerepak.

Nak aje bgtau orang tu cuba try skali for a week then datang sembang ngan aku senang ke tak.

Pastu da orang suka2 nak claim diri EP mom.haish... exclusive pumping, perkataan exclusive tu dah cukup nak terangkan pa benda ep mom tu.takyah la nak berhujah 'i lebih banyak pam dari direct feeding so i kira ep mom la'. Wah kau.claim diri camtu lepas senang je jatuh hukum pump lagi senang dari directpffftttttttttt!!!!

Aaaa apsal aku emo arini...apsalllllll

Lalalalalalalalalal

Of Second Baby

Muhaimin is 7 months old now.

Already birds asking when he can get a younger sibling.

I usually laughed the comments off.

But some just super annoying.

I hate when they use reason like 

"beranak je banyak banyak senang semua besar sekali"

eh ko ingat aku ni kilang ke ape?

Minmin InsyaAllah is not going to be the only child.

But to talk about the second this is not the time yet.

I have reason(S) - capital S intended- for this but I owe none explanation to anyone.

This post is just to get rid of this annoying feeling I've had the whole day.haha

4 months pregnant in Seoul.I miss the moment of having a human being in my belly hehe

Miss

Been so caught up with work, and the lack of time and energy stop me from rambling on this blog.

I miss blogging.

So many things happened lately, be it favourable or not.

I'm just hoping and praying for the best for us, min, and the family.

Anyhoo, let's pray for MH370. I cant imagine how the family is feeling right now.

Flashed before my eyes

Having a baby is tiring and when you are a working mom, it becomes exhausting.

I wake up at 4am to get ready to school. I leave house 6.10 am and stay in school till 2.40pm. From Monday to Thursday, usually I go back late because of school activities. So on these days I usually reach home about 5 pm.

Once at home, Mimin wants the attention. I dont mind this, hehe so I'll entertain him till his bed time around 7.45pm. Once he's asleep, I bath, pray and have dinner. Then I pump. Before going to bed, I wash the bottles, preparing another set of bottles for the night and tomorrow.

I go to bed usually around 10pm.

I wake up several times at night to feed Mimin and pump.

And before I realise it's already 4 am again.

I usually become so zombie like, especially while driving. I feel very tired and sleepy that to open my eyes while driving are super hard.And the trip to school takes 40-50 mins. But today, was scary.

I was driving home in the afternoon under the bright hot day. I was so sleepy and was fighting to make the eyes open widely. I even slapped my face so many times that my cheeks hurt.

Anyhoo, I was struggling to keep awake. Few seconds later I was driving in the middle of the road and there's a lorry coming the opposite way. Luckily I didnt panic and took control of the wheel. I was panting, and kept calling out Allah Allah Allah.

For a moment, Mimin came to my mind. This afternoon, something bad could have happened to me. Alhamdulillah, Allah still loves me. Love my family.

At home, I sent B messages describing the incident. He said 'Be careful, remember Mimin and I love you'

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I should be more careful. Next time, I need to take a short nap before I go back. 

MUST!!

I love us, =)

Muka hubby takde =p

G'bye Poplook

I was once so crazy about Poplook. I think it's because I heard or read so much buzz about the brand that I went gaga as well. My obsession brought me to a dark path where at one point I bought 3 penny dresses in one transaction. I used to have a total of 11 penny dresses.However, God has His plan that 3 months with the dresses, in which some I didnt even got the chance to wear, I was pregnant with Minmin.haha

So I had to let go half of the bunch. Some I just gave it away, some I sold it to new owners. Anyhoo, since I couldnt fit into penny due to the belly aggressive growth (hahaha) I turned to Haley. I bought 2 but again my belly just wanted to grow bigger in short period. I managed to wear one once! I let go another one and still keep the one. eh paham tak bahasa aku ni?haha

So the other day I was looking for baju to be worn to school till i saw my pink haley. Wore it but.............. i got disturbing responses from colleagues. ALL, not most, not some ok comments were asking 'are you expecting another bundle of joy?'

aaaaaaaaaaaaa Because the cutting is similar to maternity blouse. I'm petite and i dont think any of poplook blouses will flatter my appearance. I gotta say good bye poplook. You were once my obsession.hehehe

This was the last time I wore penny, 16week of pregnancy

This one is Ophelia i think. I wore this as night gown during pregnancy haha now buruk already.

Haley, pregnant

 

Haley, 3 months after giving birth.

Apart from its big cutting, the price has gone up also. It's normal in this current economy situation but my wallet cant tolerate it.

So, gotta pass this obsession.hehe

Bye Poplook. Till my eyes catch another blouse that I will never be able to convince myself to buy it. See ya!

I miss ngerepaking

I have so many things to tell

so many things to share

so many Minmin's photo to document

But I got no time.

I'm tired.aaaaa

Blog, ya miss me?

Terrified mom

I'm terrified of great moms. Great moms make me feel small and inadequate. I read somewhere that this is a common feeling among first time moms but I hate feeling this way. I know I have so many things to learn, to do, to adjust but to Minmin, I'm the greatest mom he ever has.sob sob

Feeling a lil bit blues at this wee hour.haha just feel like pouring my thoughts.

There are many reasons why I hate being around great moms.

1. Min arrived through a window.haha I had a c-sec to bring him into this world. I've met or read somewhere that to some people, a c-sec mom isnt a real mom because we didnt experience 'the real pain' of giving birth. I know I can just bullshit the comment but it is still disturbing to me. Did you know that through out my pregnancy, I always had the hunch that I would not have normal delivery?hahaha I had great instincts when I was pregnant and this applied when I was delivering Min. wah bunyi Pizza hut delivery gitteewww. I started having it around 5months into pregnancy because Min was growing bigger that the normal size according to weeks.hahaha

 Growing so big even I takut to see this photo. No more for second baby. Second baby aims for normal delivery and go to gym.haha

2. Till today I still fail to make Min feeds directly from me. I tried and there were a few times where he would latch perfectly but any other time he refused.He's more comfortable with the bottles.boo hoo. This is one of the things that make me feel inadequate or secara kasarnya a failed mom. Although that's not the case at all but I feel handicapped. that's why Moms who constantly talk about breastfeeding terrify me. Even one Mom casually told me if I dont feed him directly, Min will grow up and not feeling the close connection to me. Sedih tau hati aku masa tu...and that's why I usually will stay away from this kind of moms.

My friend said her baby 'tergedik gedik' every time he saw the boobs, Min tergedik gedik nampak botol....tak jumpa gambar tergedik min, gambar tidur pun bolehla

3. I pump around 8 times per day and that makes me a cow.hahahah no la. that makes me a determined mom.My supply is just enough for Min and I dont have a fridge full of frozen breastmilk. and god knows how small I felt everytime moms upload their stocks for others to see. I understand the proud feeling having that much for your baby but it made me feel small. I left the breastfeeding support group on FB because of this. I dont think I need this group. I need exclusive pumping moms group.hahaha

This photo is my reminder, where my EP journey started. For a month I pumped for 2hours and only got 1oz for every session and I dont know what pushed me till I'm able to satisfy Min's tummy today. KLMJ betul.haha

Although there were moments I felt like a small, handicapped, inadequate mom, Allah is afterall fair. I'm surrounded with people although not many, but enough to keep me sane and remind me that motherhood is not a competition. Motherhood is not a place to display your effort raising your kids. Motherhood is an amanah.

My colleagues are very supportive and open minded. One of them till now is still breastfeeding her 11 month old baby and never once makes me feel bad. She constantly remind me that the milk is from God. Do what you can to give Min the best but it's still up to Him. She also advices me to set short term goal in my journey just to be realistic. So for now, my short term goal is to exclusively pumping till Min is 6 months old.tee heee.

Another wonderful person is this mommy. She has  milk full in her deep fridge and offer some for Min. I am touched (you know who you are) because she's willing to help me. Like I said, my supply isnt much just enough for day to day use and it worries me in case I fell sick or has to go for courses.

And the last one, again I have to mention is my husband.almost 5 months into this journey, he is the best supported I could ever have. The one that keeps me motivated, keeps me sane and keeps me on this course of being a mother. I could tell him how I feel being this and that and he would listen attentively and told me everything will be okay. I dont know what I'll be without him. sobs

God bless all these people =)

eh dah kol 5.15am kauuuuuuuuuu.ok lah mak nak bersiap pegi keja. nak belek anak orang pulak.tee hee

Getaway

Being pregnant, giving birth and taking care of a baby have started to take a toll on me. I'm not whining please, I'm just human. I'm exhausted mentally and physically.

I'm tired most of the time. I cant remember the last time I slept through the night since I got pregnant. Pretty much, close to a year now I'm deprived from my beauty sleep.hahaha

I just cannot imagine how things going to be when I started working, in less than a week.

That's why I crave for a little getaway now. I really want to be near the beach, just close my eyes and sleep with ocean breeze gently slapping my face. (Get real Nurul, it's monsoon season now =__=')

A mom can only wish now, right?

Cant wait to return to work. My mind needs to get busy on things that matter.

Sick

If you've been following my twitter, you would know that I fell sick 2 days ago. It was food poisoning and the worst ever i experienced so far. My stomach is very sensitive to bad food (got it from Abah) so I've had my fair share of food poisoning through out my life, including during my honeymoon =___='. But usually they were mild ones, either i vomit or had diarrhoea. Never both.

2 days ago, it was both. I took breakfast at 8am. 4 other family members had the same food I had but it was my rezeki to have eaten the bad one. Boo hoo...After I ate, I felt all gassy and bloated. I still did house chores and took care of Muhaimin. At 11.30am, I told B I was nauseous. and wanted to nap for a while. But, my nap was disturb by stomach cramps. At that time I already knew I had food poisoning because of the tell tale signs.

At one point, I was very dizzy and uncomfortable and nauseous so I went to the toilet and stood in front of the sink. I felt like the everything inside my belly was going to come out. I stood for a while but nothing happen. So i decided to help it by sticking my finger into my throat. Then all hell broke loose. Everything I ate for breakfast came out. I had roti jala so the sink was filled with thick yellowish liquid. ewwwwwwwww

So the story went from there. After the 2nd vomit came the diarrhoea. After a while, I vomitted water and cherry-berrying water oso. I was very weak like a lempeng. Abah already took over to take care of Muhaimin. Since  I was losing so much water from my body, I was dehydrated. I replenished by drinking more water but seconds after I gulped them down,  I vomitted. So by 3pm, Ummi decided it's time to go to the hospital. She brought me to the Emergency Room at Hospital Alor Gajah.

Cut story short, I got two bottles of drip. I was dehydrated and dizzy. The doc did blood test on me but everything seemed normal. At 5.30pm, I was allowed to go back with a handful of medicine to bring back. The drip made me slightly better but still quite dehydrated. I was thirsty all the time. Mom let me drink 100PLus (the only part I love from all this hehehehehehe). That night I slept like a log. Didnt even wake up to change Min's diaper and feed him.

This morning I was a bit weak so I slept whenever I had the chance. I didnt eat for 8 hours and with the vomittting, my belly couldnt handle normal food. So mom prepared chicken porridge for me. My appetite is slowly getting better. But when I tried eating sandwich, my stomach still cramped so I guess it's not ready. Porridge then.

One good thing came out from this is of course I lost 1.5kg.hehe Happy? a lil bit but I wish not to ever experience this again. huhu but since I lost sooo much water, my milk supply decreased tremenduosly. From 6-7 oz per pumping session, I only get 3 oz now. Stressful and make me really sad. Need to work hard to increase them again.boo hoo

I'm typing this at the wee hour in the morning while pumping. So pardon the grammar and lintang pukang-ness of this post.

Confinement and Me

We did not get along too well, that for sure.hahaha I ended my confinement 2 days ago, not with flying colours I guess. If I were to give a grade, maybe I pass with C+? HEHE

I pretty much took care of myself. My mom worked during the day. My ummi took care of my food. I did my own param, pilis, herbal bath and other traditional stuffs once or twice coz you cannot have those weird thngs on you when you are carrying and taking care of a baby all day. Plus, pilis smells like cow dunk. I'm serious!

I didnt bind my abdomen due to the surgery. But I did wear the velcro wrap for 3weeks (after 2 weeks) till it hurts my lower abdomen. In my 4th week mom told me to put on the traditional binder (bengkung). She only told me to wear never taught me how oso =__= so I didnt. As a result, I'm not as small as I wanted to be. erghh...

I think the only part that I really stuck to is my food. Ummi and Mom were deadly serious in this department. But of course I cheated once with a slice of pizza (blame my bro for buying this) even that my mom kept close eyes to make sure I didnt help myself with 2nd round.hahaha and true enough, that night both of us couldnt sleep because Min was colicky.miahaha lesson learnt! Ummi was more strict when it comes to food. She made sure I ate the right food everyday. Sometimes the food/herbs were just too weird for my tastebuds I ended up cheating. How? Shove some portions into my stockings or pockets and pretended as if I finished them. miahahaha ok shhhh! this is our secret ok =p

Out of this, I learnt one thing, for my second baby (InsyaAllah) i'm gonna fine my own confinement lady. Because I didnt really follow what I should have done, my body aches everywhere especially around my abdomen. Maybe because I carried Muhaimin too much and he is not a light one. And I hope at that time B would be around so I dont have to do everything all by mysefl =)

Boring confinement story yea? Yea confinement was a boring process to me. The only thing that kept me around the clock is Muhaimin and pumping. Before I knew, it was already the next day.hehehe

 

I bought Tanamera set. Out of 11 items, only 2 things I used till finish, herbal bath (easy to prepare) and VCO. The rest....a lil bit only. hoho membazir je...

I also took Shaklee set and it was awesome!! I was energetic (except for surgery pain) and kept me on my positive mood. I am very sure because I was out of supply for 3 days and while waiting for the new stock to arrive, I could feel the different. Very tired, easily irritated. Ni tak tipu punya ok!

Ok la.I'm typing this while pumping. I'm done now and it's time for bed. it's 3.30 am *yawn*

Where My Phone At??

Day 29.

I think for 29 days some people got so frustrated with me. hehe

Why the because?

They couldnt get me to answer their calls or messages.

I know I know...I read all the messages but sometimes I didnt have the time to reply on the spot.

Did you know, that on daily basis I dont know where my phone at?

And the fact that it has been on silent mode since I got home from the hospital made this situation worst?

There were days when I got to hold my phone at night only.or when suddenly i remembered I have a husband who might already nerve-wrecked worried he didnt hear anything from me.muehahaha

I know I know you'll got so frustrated but what can I do. Muhaimin is still at the crying stage even when he's super sleepy so my hands are full. I did read the messages but after reading it, I'd make mental reminder to reply them later which ended up forgetting for days or couldnt remember at all. So sue me ok?

And talking about calls, I received numerous missed calls not only from friends but from B, from MIL who could only call at certain time of days (sorry Mak..) from my Mom. So dont feel so special ok?

If you really miss me that much, contact me through FB ok. I check my FB every day.haha

 

Wadcha lookin at??? am the reason why mommy donno where her phone at. Got prob?

Documenting

#This is another post to document the last stage of my pregnancy. Not to whine.

Last night I was awaken by extreme itchiness around my belly and my ankles at 2am. I started to ease the itch by scratching mildly. Wrong move because it then escalated. I scratched and scratched the belly as if it was a ball with nothing inside. Few minutes later, I was in pain.

Then the itchiness started around my ankles. This time I rubbed softly but hormones or for what ever reason had escalated the level. So I had to scratched. Even thought of using fork as the tool. But I didnt cry though. haha heyuggee achievement.

I went to the toilet and wash my belly and both leg with warm water. That eased the discomfort. Returned to the room, applied stretchmarks cream on le belly and medicated powder on the legs. Worked for about 10minutes only and I started scratching again. So I repeated the same process till 3 times and before I knew, the clock was striking 4.30am.

So I tried to google whyyyyyy yisdishappeningtome and most common result by playing Google Doctor is it might be related to the liver and pregnancy hormones. It will go away once the baby is born. aaaaaaaaaaaaa..... So for next check up am gonna ask the Doc and confirm what could be the culprit.

Anyhoo, I managed to return back to bed after at 5am, woke up at 6.30am for Subuh (tho am not sure I recited the prayer correctly or not) and went to bed and woke up at 9am coz baby was hungry.

I feel very tired now but I want to wait till Zohor to sleep. Super headache and quite moody osolaaaa...

I wanna put a picture to illustrate my ankles but then I feel 'yucks'. You guys might be eating while reading this so I cancel la hoh. Just picture swollen ankles with red patches and scars.haha

Mommy is super ready to pop now. Baby when are you? hehe Emos kan macam nak berkampung kat hospital??haha this is what happen if you leave almost 1hour drive from the hospital. You sked that you might leave something important at home.

p/s I've been told that I complained too much. I'm sorry if you feel that way. I thought I was just expressing what ever I was feeling at that time. It's just like how you complain when the works pile up, or when you are tired of walking. Only my condition is I'm pregnant. God knows how much I love my baby and I wouldnt trade him for anything. Just sometimes, I expressed how I feel and never knew it would be so sensitive to some people. How my comments had implied that how 'tidak bersyukur' I am with this gift. I'm really sorry. 

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Checked my pregnancy ticker just now. 10 days before expected due date. Till now, still no sign of labor. No weird pain, no bleeding, no water breakage. Baby is still active as normal, appetite still big but weight gain has slowed down.

Yesterday, Wani the pregnant colleague messaged me. She was in labor and was warded. She went for regular check up and she was already 3cm dilated. She is supposed to be a week later than me. uwaaaa

Terus nak merajuk kejap ngan baby.hahaha but I know he's super cozy inside that he doesnt want to come out. Right baby? Stay as long as you want ok but dont eat too much.

Last check up with Dr Ishaireen showed that Baby A is already 3.6kg. aaaaaaaaaa he was 3.1kg 2 weeks ago. Mommy ate too much isit during raya? =___= The thing about baby's expected weight is you have to add or minus 500g from the estimation. So Baby A could be 4kg ++ when he is out or 500g lighter. I hope for the latter. *gulp*

B and I are small. Berkerut jugakla dahi Dr Ishaireen when the machine showed Baby's A estimated weight. B's family also are mostly small built, my mom's side also small. Mesti dapat gene from my Abah's side.haha and I have no gestational diabetes in case you are wondering =)

Next week, if I'm still not in labor Dr Ishaireen is gonna shove into my hoo haa (vaginal examination). From what I heard, it's going to be a bit painful *sweat*. She wants to check whether I can do normal delivery or not because my baby is quite big for my size. If there's no sign of labor on 27/8/2013, Doc is gonna induce me the next day. She doesnt want to take the risk to wait till 7 days after EDD because my baby grows like a champion haha. Usually Doc will wait 7 days after EDD to induce but me no mommy cant wait.

So baby, we want normal delivery right? Come out soon so you wont sulk when the drug force you to come out. And give at least 24hours notice before arrival so Daddy can hop on a plane and be here at the right time.

Slept in the guest room last night because the aircond in my room is leaking. Plus, suddenly I hate my room. Too cluttered with baby and mommy stuffs.

Actually I hate sleeping there coz B has gone back to Bintulu. =(

Struggle

One thing I learn in life:

Only we can truly understand our own struggle. So dont butthurt when others dont and just walk away.

No matter how much you hate and keep whining about people dont understand your situation, save your time because they actually dont. I dont understand your struggle too. So I dont expect you to understand mine. Yess it hurts sometimes but what can we do? Be angry? Be cynical?

No one understands when I told them how itchy my belly is. All they said is 'jangan garu, jangan garu'. I can't. Coz it's freakin' itchy!

ok takde kaitan.miahahahah

Be thankful that we have to struggle coz without struggling, you wont find your strength. At least now I know how much I can tolerate the pain after I scratch my belly.hahaha

ok lagi sekali takde kaitan =p

Worst Feeling

It's 3 am in the morning. I cant sleep. The worst thing to feel when the world is asleep around you: Lonely.

I feel so lonely and broken inside.

I think I'm tired.

Lesgo back to bed.