Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Flashed before my eyes

Having a baby is tiring and when you are a working mom, it becomes exhausting.

I wake up at 4am to get ready to school. I leave house 6.10 am and stay in school till 2.40pm. From Monday to Thursday, usually I go back late because of school activities. So on these days I usually reach home about 5 pm.

Once at home, Mimin wants the attention. I dont mind this, hehe so I'll entertain him till his bed time around 7.45pm. Once he's asleep, I bath, pray and have dinner. Then I pump. Before going to bed, I wash the bottles, preparing another set of bottles for the night and tomorrow.

I go to bed usually around 10pm.

I wake up several times at night to feed Mimin and pump.

And before I realise it's already 4 am again.

I usually become so zombie like, especially while driving. I feel very tired and sleepy that to open my eyes while driving are super hard.And the trip to school takes 40-50 mins. But today, was scary.

I was driving home in the afternoon under the bright hot day. I was so sleepy and was fighting to make the eyes open widely. I even slapped my face so many times that my cheeks hurt.

Anyhoo, I was struggling to keep awake. Few seconds later I was driving in the middle of the road and there's a lorry coming the opposite way. Luckily I didnt panic and took control of the wheel. I was panting, and kept calling out Allah Allah Allah.

For a moment, Mimin came to my mind. This afternoon, something bad could have happened to me. Alhamdulillah, Allah still loves me. Love my family.

At home, I sent B messages describing the incident. He said 'Be careful, remember Mimin and I love you'


I should be more careful. Next time, I need to take a short nap before I go back. 


I love us, =)

Muka hubby takde =p
Tuesday, February 25, 2014

G'bye Poplook

I was once so crazy about Poplook. I think it's because I heard or read so much buzz about the brand that I went gaga as well. My obsession brought me to a dark path where at one point I bought 3 penny dresses in one transaction. I used to have a total of 11 penny dresses.However, God has His plan that 3 months with the dresses, in which some I didnt even got the chance to wear, I was pregnant with Minmin.haha

So I had to let go half of the bunch. Some I just gave it away, some I sold it to new owners. Anyhoo, since I couldnt fit into penny due to the belly aggressive growth (hahaha) I turned to Haley. I bought 2 but again my belly just wanted to grow bigger in short period. I managed to wear one once! I let go another one and still keep the one. eh paham tak bahasa aku ni?haha

So the other day I was looking for baju to be worn to school till i saw my pink haley. Wore it but.............. i got disturbing responses from colleagues. ALL, not most, not some ok comments were asking 'are you expecting another bundle of joy?'

aaaaaaaaaaaaa Because the cutting is similar to maternity blouse. I'm petite and i dont think any of poplook blouses will flatter my appearance. I gotta say good bye poplook. You were once my obsession.hehehe

This was the last time I wore penny, 16week of pregnancy

This one is Ophelia i think. I wore this as night gown during pregnancy haha now buruk already.

Haley, pregnant

Haley, 3 months after giving birth.

Apart from its big cutting, the price has gone up also. It's normal in this current economy situation but my wallet cant tolerate it.

So, gotta pass this obsession.hehe

Bye Poplook. Till my eyes catch another blouse that I will never be able to convince myself to buy it. See ya!
Thursday, February 20, 2014

Glad I could help

Whenever I received an email or PM on FB or Whatsapp asking about breastpump or how to breastpumping or anything related to baby, I got super excited and kinda....touched. I cant shed the thought of a being a handicapped mom due to inability to directly feed Muhaimin (I know I exaggerated, this is a mommy's guilt). So when people, strangers asking me for advice, it lifts up the spirit, and make me feel...less handicapped.hehe

So keep the emails and private messages coming because it made my day. Super glad that I could help. Better, when I could help mothers who experience the same thing like me - cannot direct feed our babies. I'm not alone. We are not alone.

Anyhoo, Min is back to breastmilk 100% now since he finished one whole packet of Friso less in 2 weeks. I hope this time Min can get the best as long as possible but again I've learnt my lesson, anything could happen that would affect the production but I have faith. Somehow I am glad that I'm tested several times in this journey because it helps to understand moms who have the same obstacles.

It's easy for people to judge moms who dont breastfeed. I'm referring to moms who tried but the result was disappointing..Not who choose not to. Go mommies go! Try harder and leave it to God =)

Min is looking more like his Ayah. Bila orang tau Ayah dia orang mana, mesti cakap 'ooo patutla takde muka melayu' haha Melanau blood wins!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

5 months 3 weeks

I just have to blog about this for the sake of memory.hehe

5 months 3 weeks, Min is teething and one tooth has appeared on his lower gum, so obvious one!

Tried to take at least one photo but whenever he saw the phone he closed his mouth. When I tried to force it using my finger, he took it and attempted to suck =___='

This Saturday will be the day Min gonna taste solid food.yiiihaaaaa after 6 months living with milk, formula milk and his bath water (=.=) hahaha

now now this excited mom is confused which food to start first. Puree or porridge?hmm


Lately, i feel so tested.

A series of challenge and obstacle keeps coming and it doesnt seem to stop. Starting from food poisoning incident, milk production dropped, breastpump death, Formula milk, and now another challenge fell on me

I'm tired. and mostly it's my emotional side.

I find it's getting harder to convince myself that things will get better. And B constant absent kills my spirit.

It's been 1 year and almost two months. When are you going to fulfill your promise boss?

I'm tired fighting alone.
Monday, February 17, 2014

Jom Hubby! =p

My cousin posted her getaway pictures in Lombok few days ago. Never knew Lombok is such a heaven. So I googled.

aaaaaa cantik!!!

But I know Hubby's answer already - 'wait til Min grows up a lil bit'

yeah yeah yeah

Dont know how long a lil bit to B but 1 year old should be ok right?
Sunday, February 16, 2014

Breastpumping journey so far

2 weeks ago I was so stressed when my production dropped. Last week, I had to reintroduce formula milk again to Min, in case I had to go for the course. At first, he refused and cried. A few attempts, he drank like a dream.

My heart shattered of course because it wasnt my milk. But I put aside all the negative thoughts and tried to console myself that this is another form of rezeki. At least Min's condition is better than those babies in Africa or Syria.

Allah definitely has His own ways.

The course was cancelled.

And my production suddenly surged till I managed to replace all my stocks. I am producing more than what Min needs in a day. MasyaAllah.

I guess the incident is a way Allah wanted to test me that in a flick of seconds, he CAN take away what belongs to him. 

Tersedar jugak aku because honestly I had my proud moment for being able to feed my baby. Allah uji sikit je.terus kelam kabut hidup aku.

Insaf dan insyaAllah, aku akan lebih bersyukur. Susu tin yang aku dah bukak tu aku akan habiskan. Means, I will still feed Min the milk. Avoid wastage. AKu takut rezeki kena tarik lagi. I feed him that only at night. and again, I learned one thing.

I've been feeding Min Friso milk twice in a night. Not even a week, Min has drank half the package.8 oz a day, per week

Based on rough calculation, if I were to stop breastmilk and gave him only Friso, the budget would be around RM300++ per month. kau! Min kuat minum susu dowh.Disebabkan itu, menguatkan semangat aku untuk terus mengepam.hoho InsyaAllah.

Aku dalam proses belajar untuk persetankan ibu-ibu taksub susu ni. So far, I left all the breastfeeding groups, unfollowed moms who give out tips on breastfeeding and a few friends. Kalau kat depan mata, I walked away when they started talking about breastfeeding.I dont want to be negative. I love Abdul Muhaimin so much, there's no doubt. I dont want to look down on myself again. Because in the end, those people cannot love my baby like I do.

Pipi boyot mommy =)
Thursday, February 13, 2014

Abdul Muhaimin at 5 months

He's growing definitely. Last weighing - 7.9kg, the reason no one wants to hold him longer.haha

Recognises family faces. He knows me (of course!), his atok, his nenek and wan.

Atok is his best buddy, make mommy a little jealous *pout*

He chuckles, giggles.

THis week, 5 months and 3 weeks, he finally succeeded in rolling over effortlessly.haha good boy!

Erm....he is still a good boy. Very easy to take care of, say those who took care of him before. He doesnt scream when he cries, just cranky sound, very easy to sooth, as long as you pick him up, he's the happiest baby on earth.

erm...drinks a lot also. ermmm what else eh?hhaha

Oh ya, he loves the mirror. Gosh you should see him smiling and giggling and I swear acting all shy when he saw his own reflection. Perasan hensem ek??hahaha

and one more thing, Muhaimin must go out of the house at least once everyday or he'll be super cranky at night. He will start showing attitude around 5pm because that's around the time where we usually would go jalan-jalan and he sits in the stroller.He would sit quietly observing the surrounding. And it makes it easier to make him go to lala land at night too. Baby oso need to wind up la.haha

Takpe, berbaloi beli stroller combi tu tau. sebab hari2 confirm pakai.hohoho

Perfect Mom

I love my baby for eternity.

I know I am the best mom for him.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Latest Spectra M1 Review

So...uhmmmm I am sad to announce that my spectra M1 is on its death bed. It's dying people after 5 months serving and being my bestfriend day and night. huhu

Before, I could get 5oz in 40mins, single pumping, now it takes that long to get 1oz. I had to use it with manual breastpump.

I think the reason is due to fatigue.hahahah It's been overworked for the last 5 months.


I bought this pump 2 months before Min arrived. Of course back then I didnt know Min wouldnt latch.haha so I have to pump 8 times per day. M1 is made for moms who pump 4-5 times per day, 30mins per session. I used up to one hour.huhu

Sorry pump. I've tortured you.

So, after it showed a lil sign of dying I bought another set of pump, Medela Freestyle.

I just gotta say Medela Fs is overrated. Not a satisfied user since day 1.hahaha

So not even 3 weeks, I let it go to a new owner.

So, which pump I'm using now?

Since I believe I'm a Spectra mom, I bought Spectra S1. Got it yesterday after waiting for almost 2 weeks of waiting (hence the emo posts since few days ago, because for almost 2 weeks, I pumped using manual. 8times per day, 40mins cramp wehhhh tangannnnnn....haha). Tested it and wow, gotta say the best among the 3 breastpumps that I've used.

Will do a review about Spectra S1 after let's say...1 month? Just to be fair.hehe

Anyhoo, thank you M1, you served me well in my journey of giving the best for Muhaimin. I highly appreciate it so now it's time for you to rest in the box in the closet. Happy resting!

Thank you M1 for helping me to fatten Minmin.hehehe

Friday, February 7, 2014

Shall Be Grateful then

This morning I woke up at 4am. After the usual pumping routine, it was time to fill the bottles with ebm enough till I get home. I was ok till I realized one of the storage bags was leaking and it contained 6oz of ebm. I had to throw it away.

I was angry at myself. 6oz of sweat and tears wasted just like that. 

And that's how I started my day, grumpy, whiny and angry.

It was a long day for me today. After school, I lepak-ed at the surau till 2pm then headed to Jusco for lunch and jalan-jalan. 4pm, I was already at the hockey stadium. I was on duty for BBSM with the students. The game ended at 6.35pm. So you guess what time I reached home?


I thought Min would have been sleeping..but he wasnt. I guess he waited for me to lull him to sleep.

So sweet this boy.

It took longer than usual to make him sleep. He wanted to be cuddled longer before I could put him in his cot. While he was falling asleep,I stared at him under dimmed light. I listened to him breathing. I saw his chest breathing in and out the oxygen. I felt his body thrusting towards mine.

That my dear readers, a feeling that cannot be described by words. All the stress, the loneliness, the anger were swept away just like that.

Then all the memory since he was born came back like a rolling advertisement.

Since born, Abdul Muhaimin is afterall a good baby. He is a happy and easy to entertain. He's not fussy even when he was sick. Only he cant tolerate hunger that well =)

I should be grateful. All the tests from God since I was pregnant with him, the absent of my husband most of the time, the mental and psychological torture of being in a long distance relationship, the loneliness, the pain of seeing other couple together,

Allah gives me the best baby ever. At least this one thing that not all parents can have is given to me.

Abdul Muhaimin, you are my strength. Fight with mommy ok =)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

This Shall Be the final one

Stress membawa ke marah dan gelisah. Lemme mumble for what I hope would be the last time about Moms who are so lucky to be able to breastfeed their babies but look down on other moms who dont.

I have to admit, one of the reasons that drive me to keep pumping is I just cant take the comment from moms who are obsessed with their own breastmilk. Group-group yang sanggup menggunakan kata-kata jahat dan melabel ibu2 yang tak breastfeed baby. Because of their strong words, I determine. Bagus jugak kan.hehe

tapi like in the previous post, my stock has gone down and I have to go for a course next week. Still waiting for a miracle to happen or else, I have to introduce formula milk again, to Minmin after almost 4 months drinking mommy's milk only.

Tahap stress aku tu sampai hari ni aku call B pastu tanya soalan berikut:

B,apsal Allah uji saya berkali-kali when it comes to giving Min breastmilk? Muhaimin cannot latch and refuse direct feeding, pastu 1month susu tak banyak sebab tak direct feeding, pastu production jatuh sebab stress, sakit satu persatu, sekarang pam rosak, dah order baru tak sampai-sampai, boleh pulak kena food poisoning hari tu. Stock makin kurang, nak kena pergi course 3 hari pulak next week...Banyak betul dugaan. 

Kenapa dugaan yang aku kena ni tak kena kat ibu-ibu mulut puaka takbur susu banyak pastu perlekeh orang lain?

haaa kau...jangan terasa ye. Aku kalau stress ayat memang pedas.

Pastu B jawab:

Sebab diorang tak kena macam awak kena la diorang obsess. Diorang tak rasa apa yang awak rasa. Allah mudahkan perjalanan diorang nak bagi susu kat anak, awak tough sikit. Bagi diorang, tiada alasan taknak bagi susu ibu kat anak.

*perbualan originally in bahasa sarawak, telah dialih bahasa*

Nasib baik B jauh.kalau tak memang aku rasa nak nangis peluk je. Because he's so understanding. Salah satu tiang kekuatan aku.

Mungkin, mungkin ye aku kata mungkin apa B cakap tu betul. Diorang tak rasa apa sesetengah ibu-ibu macam aku ni rasa. Ibu normal mana yang tanak terbaik untuk anak sendiri? mana ? mana?

Rasa bersalah dalam hati when I'm not able to produce the amount to satisfy Min's tummy, Allah je yang tahu.Tapi aku doa hari-hari kalau aku terpaksa jugak bagi formula to Min, Allah lindungi Min dari segala benda jahat yang boleh jadi yang keluar dari mulut ibu puaka.

Diorang punya sampai hati cakap baby tak breastfeed senang sakit, bengap, lambat belajar, tak aktif, tak dengar cakap. sesetengahnya mungkin betul tapi not overall.Semua tu kerja Allah kan? Kita usaha. Susu ibu bukan sumber mutlak pembentukan peribadi dan sahsiah anak. Kalau mutlak, takyah lak didik anak, anta anak pergi sekolah, pergi university. sebab minum susu ibu je terus pandai, gitu?

Tu tak masuk lagi yang cakap aku tak cukup berusaha, kena usaha, pastu tampal hadis ibu kena susukan anak sampai 2 tahun. sunnah Rasulullah punya banyak tapi ko dok pungpang yang satu ni je. When it comes to effort, come and stay with me for a week then you'll know how 'tidak berusaha' aku dalam menjalankan hak untuk anak aku.

Sejak aku kahwin, pregnant, beranak now into exclusive pumping journey, aku dah terima macam-macam komen mulut orang. orang boleh kondem aku tapi aku sensitip tahap mahadewa bila orang komen anak aku.kadang-kadang aku rasa penat sebab hidup bertuankan komen orang. sampai satu tahap kalau orang komen apa aku buat aku balas balik. pastu orang tu kecik ati ngan aku pulak.acaner tu?

Again, I hope this shall be the last time aku mengutuk ibu-ibu puaka. Aku seorang ibu juga dan aku tanak anak aku membesar pastu baca blog aku yang sibuk dok kutuk orang.haha

But the chances are when my babies grow up this blog will be no more. We'll see.

ok dah kol 2.30 pagi. need to be up again at 4am to get ready to school. 

nanite peeps!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Aku Stress

Kepala tengah serabut ni.sebab minggu depan aku kena pergi course, kat JB for 3 days. Apsal stress? Sebab aku kena tinggal Minmin. Pastu sebab stock susu tak cukup. Aku stressssssss

Hari tu macam cantik dah stock. Tapi Allah nak uji minggu lepas aku kena minor food poisoning. Terus drop production. Production aku tak meriah. CUkup kais pagi makan pagi. Satu lagi Minmin punya selera besar. Bukan senang nak fulfill tapi aku gigih. Eh merapu. Kembali kepada food poisoning, walaupun aku tak muntah tak cirit bagai tapi production aku memang drop the next day. I have to produce at least 40oz per day to satisfy Min, tapi the day after the bad day production drop sampai 20oz je. Bila dah drop opkos aku kena pakai stock dalam fridge. I thought it's only for a day or two. Too bad, till today, the most I can produce in 30oz. Tak cukuppppppp aaaaaaaaaaa

Tadi aku keluarkan lagi stock untuk esok. The last four days ok je sebab aku kat rumah.sikit2 boleh lagi pump. Tapi esok dah start keja. Kalau rumah aku sebelah sekolah ke takpe.Ni sejam lebih drive. aaaaaa stock yang sepatutnya cukup untuk minggu depan dah jadi critical. Imagine red light flashing at the back.hahaha

Aku gelak lagi sebab nak cuba positif. Tapi aku risau. Aku berharap Allah di pihak aku. Sama ada course tu ditunda, venue tukar pegi Melaka ke atau tetiba production aku meriah.

Tolong la doakan aku.....

Ni la baby yang suka susu tu.hehehe kalau nampak botol mulut terus nganga macam anak burung =)
Sunday, February 2, 2014

Letting Go My Medela Freestyle

SOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! tq buyer =)))

Heyyyaa peeps!!

Just a quick update. Since my first breastpump went kaput last month, I bought Medela Freestyle as a replacement. After giving it a try for almost a month, I finally give up and let's just say, Medela Fs and me arent meant to be together. Tak serasi orang kateeee

So I'm letting this baby go for a cheaper price. I bought it from for RM1450 but I'm letting it go for RM1200 INCLUDING POSTAGE, Malaysia onleyhhhh

Medela Freestyle Hands Free Double Electric Breast Pump latest 2013 model made in Baar Switzerland

You will get a full set EXCEPT FOR COOLER BAG AND ICE BRICK. But worry not, I'm giving 3 pieces of Autumn Ice packs for freeeeeeeeeeee!


  • Medela Freestyle hands free double electric breast pump latest 2013 model made in Baar Switzerland
  • 1 - New and Original Medela Freestyle Breast Pump made in Baar Switzerland 
  • 1 - Black microfiber tote bag
  • 1 - Rachargeable Lithium Ion Battery 
  • 1 - AC Power Cord 12V
  • 4 - 150 mL (5oz) BPA-free breastmilk bottles and lids 
  • 1 - Double pumping kit
  • 2 - Medium (24 mm) PersonalFit™ breastshields
  • 2 - Large (27 mm) PersonalFit™ breastshields
  • 2 - Freestyle breastshield connector bodies
  • 1 - Set of tubing
  • 2 - Membranes
    1 - Hands-free accessory kit with 2 pairs of bra clip (A & B)
  • Medela Freestyle manual book & information guide book
  • Free 3 Pin Plug 
Alright, if you are interested but still wanna negotiate the price, I'm open for it. But dont quote too low la hoh coz this is still new, not even a month old.tee hee hee
You can email me at
or SMS/WHATSAPP 0128770424
Serious Buyer pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee!! 
Now I wanna go hunt for a new pump. haish sakit tangan pakai manual jewwww


Hi yalll

Just a quick post since Min is sleeping.

I am in a panic mode.

I will have to go for a course in JB in 8 days time for 3 days.

I was given an early notice. I thought I have the time to stock up milk for Minmin.

The process went well till 2 days ago when I was down with minor food poisoning-  again.. perut why you have to be so sensitive..... T__T

I calculated the amount. Roughly I need about 120oz just to be on the safe side.

I had around 80oz before but since production is low due to food poisoning, I'm down to 60 oz now.

I'm panicking because I'm worried I wont able to stock to at least 110oz.


Min is 3 weeks to 6 month old. But now I feel that Milk alone cannot satisfy his hunger anymore.

Should I start feeding him?

His birth weight was 3.7kg. Now he's 8kg. can sit with proper support. Imitate chewing motion. Keen looking at food. Should I? Should I?

btw, Min feeds 9-10 times per day, around 40-45oz. Mano omak eh tak kurus ngepam joooo


Anything that comes contact with his mouth will go straight in. Cloths, toys, foot.....

Should I? Should I?
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