Saturday, April 19, 2014

I is small heart

As someone who does not know me, what more my struggles everyday, your words felt like they sliced my skin little by little.

I was in the surau. Doing normal stuff I did every 3 hours since Min was born. Came this kakak. She was observing me.the she asked questions. Then I explained. Then she praised me for my effort to feed my baby.

Then i walked to the washing area to wash up. Then i heard the kakak saying something about how much I've missed for not being able to breastfeed on baby,how i missed the bonding between a mother and a baby, how the baby missed getting to know the mother's features,smells and touch.

She was telling it to anothet kakak, whispering as if she didnt want me to hear. But the surau is small and she has a speaker voice.

As usual, i know i can just bullshit the comment but again it feels like my 'disability' is being highlighted over and over again. I received enough from the people who are related by blood now strangers.

Sometimes i feel like it is so much easier to feed Min the cow's milk. When people learned that your babybis formula fed, it stops there. But if you are a pumper, it raises eyebrows.

I feel like punching the kakak's face but it's only in the mind. For what is worth, my baby is fat,chubby,healthy and happy from my own milk.

And regarding bonding between mom and baby, Min needs to be next to me, play with my face and hug me every night before he goes off to lala land.

I hate justifying because i know it shows the insecurities i feel about myself. I do


Suzy Effendi said...

I adore you as EPMom and i always do.xda alasan k aku malas2 mok bf sdgkn baby aku dpt direct becos u cn fully bf ur baby though u just an EP mom! Let them say anything dear. Allah rewards u for every single drop of EBM u fed minmin

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