Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Cliche Post - Good Bye 2014

Before I type this entry, I read all the posts for 2014. A mixture of happiness, sadness, emo-ness, esctaticness. But mostly negativities.

I gotta admit. I'm a negative person this year. At least my personal life. I had a deep thought. Ransacking my drawers of memories trying to recall what had I done this year.

And one conclusion arrives.

I did everything.

- Mommyhood
- Wifeyhood
- Career

And I put myself at the bottom of my priority. So I guess that's why I was so negative.

In 2014, I was so busy raising a human being. Diligently pumping every 3 hours and if I missed one session, I would be so stress for the rest of the day. I was tired. I was moody. And the commitment in school. and I also my husband was not around. I was constantly under stress.

It's emotional roller coaster for me, trying to adapt to a new change, from a person to a mother. I think I posted somewhere in my blog that motherhood didnt come naturally to me. Though I thought it would but it didnt. Unfortunately. I didnt get to experience the moment when you got to see your baby for the first time all is well again. For a record, it wasnt my baby's face i saw first but his genital.hahahha I was so high with drugs but I remembered the nurse showed me Minmin's genital and asked me to guess his gender. Duh!

Then when I tried to feed him he rejected me. I think somebody needs to do a research that breastfeeding does not only affect the baby. It affects the mommy too. It affected me so bad that I hated myself for failing to do so. And because I failed, I was punished to become an EP mom. No matter how much I tried to comfort myself that I still did the best, honestly I couldnt. To these days. 

So much emotions riding inside me that my year was so negative. It affects me as a person. My marriage. It affects my physical too. My skin conditioned worsened with acne, uneven skin tone, eye bags and I gained weight. My BMI now is 24.2 which is so near to being overweight. 

So...that's me in 2014

But in 2015, I want to change. As cliched as it sounds, I really want to be ME again.

 Let's see what will happen next.

I hope I will get the chance to travel next year.

Bye 2014!


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