End of the journey

Hello!

I've thought longggg befor9e i want to post about this and finally made my decision to share it. Before that, to all obssessed breastmilk moms, please steer away from this page before you give yourself and bad day.

I have finally decided to stop my exclusive pumping journey. I was in doubt for a few weeks now but last night after a discussion with my husband (he did not tell me what to do) i have decided to end this love-hate relationship with my pumps. I want me all for myself. I want to drink coffee everyday. I want to eat anything that crosses my mind. I want to be me again.

Unlike breastfeeding mom, ep mom like me has no emotional attachment to the process. My struggle for a year is solely to give the best for my baby and i think i am done with this. For almost a year I struggled emotionally as an ep mom. I couldnt recall any other happy moments for all these time except my milk has done good for Muhaimin. I convinced myself that I love the journey but the truth it i dont like it. But i survived! I survived and Minmin got what he deserves.hehehhe

The decision to stop has not come easy to me. I've started to give Minmin formula since Ramdhan as the production dropped pretty bad. But I only gave him at night. Then after raya, came August which was the most strressful moment for this year. I was under stress at work, tired and emotionally not stable for some reasons. So i had to continue with FM again for night feeding only.

Until last week.

I was driving to school early in the morning. I was tired and extremely sleepy and was fighting to keep my eyes open. 30mins into the journey, i think i accidentally blacked out because when i came to my senses, i was driving 70km/h and the car in front of me was about 2meters away and was stopping at a traffic light. In shock, spontaneously i steered to the left lane and i was lucky there was no car coming that way and kept driving,panting and sweating.

Minmin could have lost his mom that morning.

In school, i was thinking the whole day. I am tired with school work and the pumping was taking a toll of me. I decided to stop. Minmin now needs me more than the milk. And that was not the first time i fell asleep but it was the worst one. I have to do something.

I still pumped 3-4 times a day since but my production was very low. So I had to feed him FM during the day too. Suprisingly, i feel okay. I didnt feel stress for giving him 'the poison' like some moms would say.

So here I am. Feeling contented and happy. I am still sleepy everyday but i dont have to wake up at midnight to pump and i can enjoy a cup of coffee before I drive to school. For 2 days now, i was sober while driving to and fro school. Hehehehe

I am proud of myself to be able to survive for a year as a pumper. My initial target was until confinement, then to 6 months and now a year. I have never thought i could go this far but i did it! I did it! I did it.

In this one year i bought 5 different breastpumps. One was broken, 1 sold to SIL, 1 manual bpump, one to be used at home and the other one at work.hahah funny that I spent so much on these gadgets.hihihi

I'm laughing now. And smiling. I feel free.

Dont worry. Minmin is super healthy. He is now almost 10kg.

I hope for my next baby, i will succeed to direct feed her and do not have to go through this journey again.

Exclusive Pumping

In 10 days, Abdul Muhaimin, the person i fall in love every second of my life is turning 1. It also means I have been a pumper that long. To be honest, it was not a sweet memory for me. All the stress, the cries, the frustration, the loneliness and all negative feelings i have endured for almost a year now, I wud never suggest anyone to be a pumper. Though it sounds bad, all the negative feelings are drown by one and only positive one: Love.

Not a mushy type but i think the love i have for Minmin has kept me going till this second. My plan was to survive for after confinement only. Then i target to stop when Minmim reach 6 months old. Now i'm still pumping.hehe it's love to give the best to my baby though.

But Minmin is no longer 100% given breast milk. During fasting month, my production was bad enough that I had to give him formula. Then minmin started to have a mind on his own. For his night feeding, he would throw tantrum and sulked if the milk came late to him.

I'm already super exhausted during the day i cannot lose my night rest as well. So for night feeding, formula is the solution. He's happy and mommy's happy.

He feeds around 7 times in 24 hours. His night feeding is once or twice only. So he's still getting milk mostly from mommy.hahaha

A roller coaster ride it has been since I first heard his cry in the operation theatre but he's definitely worth it.

Actually i cant wait to have my second baby! Hahaha but not too soon. Next year InsyaAllah

LACTE DUET Breastpump Review

This is a super overdue post but I still have to do it just because my life is boring so erego the long silence.hahaha

It's a review of the fifth breastpump - yea I know. Dah boleh bukak kedai.hahahaha

It started a few months ago i think in early May. I was taking my Spectra S1 out of the car for my usual pump routine in school. I had too many things in my hand and I accidentally slipped off  the bag and it dropped on the road. The sound broke my heart because I knew the damage was done. The impact of the fall made Spectra 'pengsan' coz it just wouldnt turn on.

And as an EP mom where my supply depends so much on the pump, I panic..All bad thoughts started coming in so 1 hour after the incident, I already purchased a new one, through online. I think EP Mom out there can relate to this because the pump is our savior. Without it, how our babies gonna get supply? huhu

So in the quick research for the best and cheap pump, I chose LACTE DUET. Double pump, reviews were good and cheap. But there's no built in battery and it depends on electricity. But i think this year the technology of breastpump has evolved so much that most pumps now are compatible to be used with power bank.hahah

So here is my honest review. As usual, cincai one ok. As long as you get the idea.

• Double pump. Can be used as single without having to pull out one tube. it has two motors that work for each side. Very suitable for heavy user.
• Suction: SUPERB. READ THIS, JUST SUPERB! It feels like it's not working but after every session, you'll get a bottle full of milk.
• Small, light weight, convenience
• Each session: 30 minutes then it will turn off automatically
• Worth the money as it costs me only RM450

So, in comparison with all the pumps that I have bought and used for sometimes, here I arrange it starting from the best to the least. Please be reminded that this is my personal opinions so please dont bash me if you disagree.

LACTE DUET ---> SPECTRA S1 ----> SPECTRA M1 ---> MEDELA FREESTYLE-->manual pump

After almost a year becoming an EP Mom, trying different kinds of pumps, the amount of milk you are producing doesnt depend on what type of pump you are using. It depends on your body. My SIL is using Medela FS and she could get 10oz after 10minutes of pumping. me? 40 mins with FS I could get around 4oz. hoho and also because my supply isnt that much la.hahaha

Ok, let's enjoy the photos

 

By the way, I bought this from my favourite only store: PumpOntheGo.

For RM450, it came with the free gifts: ziplock bag, cooler bag and ice packs. Totally worth it.

 

Inside the box. The white cable is the special cable that can be connected to any power bank. =)

 

 

The pump: Stimulation function, suction level and the button at the bottom is where you can control whether you want to have double pump or single pump. Very convenient if you are a fan of power pumping.

The power bank. Bought from FabulousMom. This power bank can tahan for 5-6 sessions. not bad huh?

As usual, any further question kindly leave a comment or better, shoot me an email so I can personally reply you flyawaycandle@yahoo.com

Tata!

Heroes

These 2 handsome dudes here keep me going everyday. Life is tough on me right now but i need to keep going. I know at the end, i will find what ever i was looking for.

Cant wait for 1st syawal where all 3 of us will gather as a family for our first raya ������

One after another

If one day i were ever to host any top position, i hope i wont be a douche like the boss who has been lying to us close to a year now. And now he's avoiding the fact that it's our right that he had promised a year ago.

In this holy month, I hope God clears your mind so that you can sleep peacefully at night after all the lies and hopes you threw on us.

I'm trying so hard to let this go and redha to all the current happenings i just cant.because we had hope and we trust all the beautiful promises from the boss.

Ramadhan,bring peace to my heart because i'm scared i wont be.

Fasting and nursing

This is my first ramadhan as a mom. A nursing mom. And after 11 days I can conclude that, it's exhausting.

No wonder a pregnant/nursing mom has their own rules for fasting. I had always wondered why is there a special rule for this group. Last year, I managed to fast for 30 days despite being pregnant. and I understood why. This year, I have a deeper understanding why nursing moms are special.

Before ramadhan, I asked a colleague how is it to fast as a nursing mom. She told me she'd always feel tired at the end of the day. and i finally understood why.

As milk is made mostly from water, I'm thirsty most of the time. Even at night after buka puasa. I drank gallons of water to replenish and I could say it's still not enough. and as a nursing mom, I burn calories which leads to exhaustion. Everyday I came home feeling super tired and all i wanted to do is to lay on the bed waiting for Maghrib.

No wonder moms are super human. I hope I will be one and stop whining how tired i am.haha

Ramadhan

Another silence. I guess i have lost the touch of blogging.there are just so many things i want to ramble but i think age has made me wiser hence so many things are better keep inside instead of telling the world. Wow! Sound like an auntie here.

Another Ramadhan is here. I was down with bad sore throat on the first day of fasting then fever came then flu and phlegm.

Alhamdulillah today all left except i'm still coughing. Very badly. I was in class teaching today when suddenly the wave of cough hit me. I literally coughed non stop in front of 20 pairs of eyes looking worriedly at me.it ran for about 2 minutes and at then of it i was breathless, watery eyes, red face and hopeless. I wanted to run as far as i can.....ok that's just too dramatic.but i did feel embarrass and vulnerable coz my students got to see that side of me.....haha

Happy Ramadhan peeps ��