Saturday, September 18, 2010

how can i not be sad?

right now, at this moment, i just want to sleep. i want to shut everything out of my life, my mind. i want to sleep. i want to have those dreams i've been dreaming for the past few days. i want to smile. i want to laugh. i want to be ME.

you, yes YOU, broke my stone heart last night. it was brutal. the pain was unbearable. in fact i'm still having the pain right now. you lie to me. alive. you broke my heart. you let me think, be, and feel like i am the most lucky girl in the whole world. you stomp me in fact. you know i am fragile and i still cannot accept what you did. i am the scape goat for you. i know you have other more important people in your life and you chose me to be the one you consider can be hurt.

the moment you said those words i really couldnt breath. as if my heart chose to stop at that refused to inhale the i understand how some people feel when they heard a news and they couldnt breath. for the first time last night, you let me experience that. thank you.

did you know that the pain is so unbearable that i feel like drifting away from you? and i am not sure how to react, response or even answer you call. it feels totally different.totally. my body is on autopilot mode where it acts to protect me from being hurt again, especially from YOU. yes your words now are meaningless.

how, how are we going to mend this problem?


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