Friday, September 24, 2010

yea i burst out like a volcano

yesterday, i finally reached my limit. all the boiling emotion came out bursting like nobody's business. but be me as always, i did not show it to anybody. i prefer the traditional way: crying in the shower.

i am losing control of everything.Yesterday afternoon, i finally got a reply from my super.and again, i am not sure what she wants from my interview questions. I sent the 2nd draft like 2 weeks ago after she mended some parts of it and yesterday, she wanted the questions to be almost the same like what i did in the first draft.i am so confused of what she wants. she seems unsure or i think she forgot about her previous comments.

Some comments are repeating.although i have explained why i do this and that in other paragraphs, she still ask why i do that, why is this. this is frustrating. i dont even know whether she read the whole draft of focusing on certain sub topic.

so being a gloomy nurul yesterday, i finally cried.i can feel the tense building up piling above the ever present tense from before.i dont know how to express the feeling so in the evening, i drove alone to Tasik Cempaka, parked my car and called B.and of course we fought for a while over the phone. you know one thing i love  about us fighting is when i am angry, i will blurt out everything.so mad woman i was, i screamed and cried in the car.i can see some joggers slowed their pace to peek into the car and saw all the drama.

the fight helped to express what's inside so i feel much better. but the reality will always be there as mountain of works are waiting to be done.i;ve decided to take a risk by not sending anymore draft to my super. just proceed with everything because i am afraid i will need to wait for her reply like forever.so if she doesnt like what i;m doing, i let it be in the Almighty's hand because either way, i am jeopardizing my mini thesis. I only have 3+weeks to complete this and if i send my draft and have to wait for 2 weeks for her reply, i 'm not gonna do that. if anything turns bad in the end, during the presentation or even more comments from my super, i'm so gonna be a defensive bitch because i've tried my best in this but because of lack of cooperation from her side, i am lagging like 1 months behind.i dont mind if she wants so many things in this project but a quick response from her could have been a big help.

yea i sounded like a talking bitch here but this is so stressful. i have 2 big projects waiting and one project require me to go Terengganu and all the preparation have to be done before that. and to my super, if you ever read this, i have no intention to bad mouthing you it's just i am desperate to fulfill everything you want and at the same time racing against the time.i am sorry if this post is ever insulted you in any way.

so to my dear friends if you are reading this, early apology if i dont appear me after this as i need all the focus on my work.we have about 4 weeks left so let's aja fighting together ok!

3 comments:

Sue Andy's said...

sabar k... hurmm. faham ku cmni situation ko. so. aku rasa better ko do what u think better for u as well. daripada yang di kejar x dapat, yang di kendong berciciran

sword said...

u can do my dear..i pray 4 you n hopefully it will going well..remember, i always behind u n never let u down syg.hehe ajA2 fighting!!!

Alex said...

:)

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