Tuesday, October 2, 2012


It's funny sometimes how life works. Today my eldest brother tweeted about how he and kak maz might be transferred to another uitm branch. My second brother will be transferred to KL from Penang at the end of this year. My younger brother might get his first posting in KL in few  months.. Me and B? We are still not sure.

B, me, my parents have been working on getting him a job position in Melaka. Every time when I lost hope, there was a small light at the end of the tunnel to lit my hope, raising my motivation. It's been months and slowly the spirit is honestly fading. And a news from Abah yesterday almost put off the scrap of hope left in me. Honestly, I'm tired of waiting.

Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet, they say.

I try to stay motivated, positive every single day I open my eyes in the morning, telling myself over and over again, in prayer that today would be better than yesterday. Indeed my days were better at some days, some were not. But I'm waiting for the only good news, the call, letter, sms from whomever is concerned that might change our lives forever.

I miss B. Sometimes too much that I lost the coolness and started to find faults, be it among my students, car drivers or the weather. I want to be angry. I want to find the scapegoat for something none should be responsible for.

We travel across the sea, living in hotel rooms, on a monthly basis. It sounded lavish but trust me, I wanna have my own home. I wanna have my own kitchen where I could prepare Maggi for B. ok just kidding, real food, real meals for him. I used to be sakai - fascinated with hotel rooms but now I wanna puke just by thinking staying in any of the room. I'm tired of eating take-out food, fast food. I want home cooked meal.

I'm rambling. I'm tired.  I just want answer. If he didnt get the job, it's fine with me. At least we can move on, finding a house, or plan the future. Right now we are left hanging, unsure and we cant really plan anything.

B I miss you. Terribly. Hence the long post.
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