Today is the 28th day since Muhaimin was born. And till today, he still cannot latch properly when I try to breastfeed him. I feel like a handicap mom everytime I think about this - cannot breastfeed my own baby. It's definitely heartbreaking and frustrating and God knows how sad I feel. I've done quite a research, asked the doctors and other moms for tips to get him to latch. I've tried. He did latch for few times but after a few seconds, he gave up. He either fell asleep or screamed even louder. =__='
So I started pumping. The first time I did nothing came out except air and tears.haha then a few drops. I got my first ounce one night after 2hours of pumping!!. It wasnt much but it felt soooo good to know I have milk! hehehe
When the doctor asked how I feed Muhaimin, I would answer through bottle and the idea came to them is formula milk. It's kinda frustrating because the perception some people have about giving formula milk to a baby. When I explained how I expressed the milk only then they 'oh'...
And everyday when Muhaimin was screaming his lungs out because he was super hungry, the same lines would be repeated over and over again by other people 'kan senang kalau nak direct' hurt me a little bit. I feel like I've failed as a mom. =(
So every single day also I would go search for tips or stories that match my situation just to boost my spirit a lil bit. Just to feel like I'm not the only failed mom in the world. My research brought me to this alien term that I've never heard before 'Exclusive Pumping Mom or EP MOM.
Basically, this kind of mom fit neither in the breastfeed mom or formula feed mom groups. In between which is a win-win situation. I was once frustrated when a doctor told me by just pumping, the milk would not be able to last long. Because baby is the best stimulator compared to a pump. I was sad and cried after being told that and tried to set my mind if I could bear till after confinement, I would take it. However, till I learnt the term, and found many blogs, support group about moms who have to pump their milk for various reasons, my life has never felt better.
Since then, my world is brighter. I dont feel down or stressed anymore. At least Muhaimin still gets what's best for him =) THough I still feel a bit disappointed, maybe it will work on next baby. InsyaAllah
Here is one example of a mom who was very dedicated to feed his son breastmilk. If you are facing the same problem and feel down, read up!
Oh by the way, I get full support for le hubby and family that I pump every 2-3 hours in a day. It's very very tiring but worth it. Initially, I could get 2oz per session now I could get maximum 7oz per sesh. Alhamdulillah. =) Now my life is filled with pumping, keeping, heating, feeding and sterilizing.
His typical face during feeding time. What to do? Need to warm the milk first laa....
Pic taken by Atok
