The Waiting is Over

 

Alhamdulillah I have finally delivered a handful handsome baby boy.

on 24th August 2013

 at 7.53am.

3.7kg

51cm long

He came without warning.

Heck, he didnt even want to come out yet. But my womb wanted him no more.hahaha

My amniotic liquid was at a dangerous level so my doc wanted to do a C-sec right away. But I asked for a delay coz wanna my hubby to be there la opkos kannnn.

She checked my opening and he didnt even engage at the right spot at the time (why were the nurses kept telling me he already did???)

Even if I opted to be induced, the chances were slim because he's far from the end of the tunnel.and also....he's big!!! scan showed 3.6kg but he came out weighing at 3.7kg!!!. apalagi  kasi potong!

 Anyhoo, everything went fine.I was admitted on the same day and had a surgery first thing the next morning.

In 20 minutes, I heard the loudest scream (for a baby boy...hahaha) and knew the joy had arrived.

 

The loves of my life. Till Jannah InsyaAllah =)

Hapdet

I know I have blog followers when a few messaged to check whether I have delivered my baby or not.haha

I.am.still.....waiting.

I have nothing to update, hence the not so long silence. I dont want to bore you people with the same story over and over again. I'm on leave, at home, itch everywhere, no one to talk to, and huge.

Nothing much to upload. If B was here, we could have gone places. Since he's not, I'm stuck at home.

Today I went for another check up here at my village. This time the nurse confirmed that the baby is 100% engaged. I guess baby is very reluctant to pop. I am partly to be blamed. You see, when I have nothing to do, all I can think about is what food to eat. I had list of food I wanted to eat before I pop and I've eaten all on the list. Once the list's done, my mind keep wanting more. and some are the same ones I had last week.

I think Baby A has figured that if he pops early, all he can taste is milk for at least 6 months. If he stays in, he can eat everything that I eat.hahah

No wonder he's so big now.

Ooops, mommy's fault.

Anyhoo, have another appointment and hopefully the last with my O&G tomorrow. She's gonna do VE *shiver* and she'll advice based on the inspection. Since I'm carrying a big baby, she's not gonna wait too long for the baby to pop.

Let's pray for the best =)

 

I really really really really really want this. B before we go to Bintulu, let's have this first ok?

Fefeling di petang hari

Sitting on the chair with belly exposed to the table fan. Huduh sungguh.

First heard this song while watching a drama few nights ago. Couldnt remember the title but Nora Danish and Adi Putra were the stars. Didnt know the title of the song so I googled the lyric.hehe

It's DeMeises' - Dengarlah Bintang Hatiku.

This song only has 2 stanzas but it runs for 4 minutes.heheh Senangnya buat lagu khenn??

Anyhoo, fefeling di petang hari dengar lagu ni ok. Enjoice!

Dengarlah bintang hatiku aku akan menjagamu 

Dalam hidup dan matiku hanya kaulah yang ku tuju 

Dan teringat janjiku padamu suatu hari pasti akan ku tepati

Aku akan menjagamu semampu dan sebisaku

 Walau ku tahu ragamu tak utuh

 Ku terima kekuranganmu dan ku tak akan mengeluh 

Karena bagiku engkaulah nyawaku

At this stage, the song hits a bull's eye in our life. B has been soooo patient with my attitude lately, my mood swings, my crankiness, my complains till I know at certain point, he got exhausted. But he never stops caring.

I love you B. Thanks for being there and dont let your crazy wife gets to you mentally.hehehe

Stress

• I'm in pain most of the time especially around my belly. The skin has become super tight and the recent stretchmarks + itchiness+ rashes make it worse. The pain is like someone is using knife to peel my skin or being poked with a needle. The only time it doesnt hurt is when I wash my belly with cold or warm water. Even during sleep, I would wake up caused by the pain.
•  
• When I'm not in pain, the skin itch like hell. No joke. It's not like just-rub-gently-it-will-go-away kinda. It's super itchy. I have tried many things but nothing seems to work. The only cure is to deliver the baby.
•  
• For both pain and itch, I dont dare to use any medication. Especially around belly area. My doc warns me that the medication could sip through the crack and gets to baby. All I can do is endure. Same goes to the rashes. Nothing can be done. Endure mommy endure.
•  
• I dont tell a single thing to my family. Except when Mom noticed the rashes around my ankle only then I told her. Even then not so much detail. The only person I go complaining  to is my husband, rant on Twitter or Blog. It's easy to feel lonely. I just donno how to share how I feel to my family unless they ask.
•  
• When I rant on Twitter or Blog, some said I'm not grateful. This made me super sad.
•  
• I'm tired most of the time. At night, sleep is troubled by the itch or pain or other discomfort. Lack of sleep leads to fatigue. I'm tired. Tired and I can feel my emotion becomes unstable. I cry easily, get angry or annoyed easily. Super sensitive that even I hate myself sometimes.
•  
• Financial isnt good right now. We are tight on budget. But still manageable. I'm worried for the future. The constant travelling is damaging our pocket. Saving is getting lesser. I'm worried we cant afford.
•  
• Apart from all the things I mentioned above, I'm stress about the baby delivery. He's getting bigger, thanks to me who munch non-stop. I'm worried he wont be able to get through safely. Let me stress that I'm not worried for myself. I'm worried about my baby. I'm scared halfway through the pushing stage he wont be able to come out then have to go for emergency C-sec. I'm scared he would be so distress that he would poop and eat the poop, or he gets distress that he plays around the umbilical cord and choke or he just runs out of air ketuban. I can only imagine the worst. And THIS IS MY BIGGEST SOURCE OF STRESS.

Documenting

#This is another post to document the last stage of my pregnancy. Not to whine.

Last night I was awaken by extreme itchiness around my belly and my ankles at 2am. I started to ease the itch by scratching mildly. Wrong move because it then escalated. I scratched and scratched the belly as if it was a ball with nothing inside. Few minutes later, I was in pain.

Then the itchiness started around my ankles. This time I rubbed softly but hormones or for what ever reason had escalated the level. So I had to scratched. Even thought of using fork as the tool. But I didnt cry though. haha heyuggee achievement.

I went to the toilet and wash my belly and both leg with warm water. That eased the discomfort. Returned to the room, applied stretchmarks cream on le belly and medicated powder on the legs. Worked for about 10minutes only and I started scratching again. So I repeated the same process till 3 times and before I knew, the clock was striking 4.30am.

So I tried to google whyyyyyy yisdishappeningtome and most common result by playing Google Doctor is it might be related to the liver and pregnancy hormones. It will go away once the baby is born. aaaaaaaaaaaaa..... So for next check up am gonna ask the Doc and confirm what could be the culprit.

Anyhoo, I managed to return back to bed after at 5am, woke up at 6.30am for Subuh (tho am not sure I recited the prayer correctly or not) and went to bed and woke up at 9am coz baby was hungry.

I feel very tired now but I want to wait till Zohor to sleep. Super headache and quite moody osolaaaa...

I wanna put a picture to illustrate my ankles but then I feel 'yucks'. You guys might be eating while reading this so I cancel la hoh. Just picture swollen ankles with red patches and scars.haha

Mommy is super ready to pop now. Baby when are you? hehe Emos kan macam nak berkampung kat hospital??haha this is what happen if you leave almost 1hour drive from the hospital. You sked that you might leave something important at home.

p/s I've been told that I complained too much. I'm sorry if you feel that way. I thought I was just expressing what ever I was feeling at that time. It's just like how you complain when the works pile up, or when you are tired of walking. Only my condition is I'm pregnant. God knows how much I love my baby and I wouldnt trade him for anything. Just sometimes, I expressed how I feel and never knew it would be so sensitive to some people. How my comments had implied that how 'tidak bersyukur' I am with this gift. I'm really sorry. 

Pregnancy Update #Week38

Week 38, still no sign of labor...

 

Perutku membesar bagaikan juara

How far along? 38 weeks and 5 days!! Still no sign. huhu

 

Size of the baby? My baby is the size of a errmm...dunno...and about 3.6kg already @.@

 

Weight gain? Still 67kg

 

Belly condition? Super itchy. and very scary looking now.

 

Energy level? Ok

 

Sleep? Troubled but ok la

 

Maternity clothes? Symptoms? Itchy rashes around my ankles. I scratched and now scars everywhere. Ugly =(

 

Comfort level? Average

 

Cravings? None

 

Best moment of the week? aaaa.....

What I miss the most? My non-swollen feet.haha

 

What I look forward to? Baby A's arrival. Pop baby please....you are getting too big for my size now. Mommy is worried =(

 

Weekly Wisdom? When the time is right...

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Checked my pregnancy ticker just now. 10 days before expected due date. Till now, still no sign of labor. No weird pain, no bleeding, no water breakage. Baby is still active as normal, appetite still big but weight gain has slowed down.

Yesterday, Wani the pregnant colleague messaged me. She was in labor and was warded. She went for regular check up and she was already 3cm dilated. She is supposed to be a week later than me. uwaaaa

Terus nak merajuk kejap ngan baby.hahaha but I know he's super cozy inside that he doesnt want to come out. Right baby? Stay as long as you want ok but dont eat too much.

Last check up with Dr Ishaireen showed that Baby A is already 3.6kg. aaaaaaaaaa he was 3.1kg 2 weeks ago. Mommy ate too much isit during raya? =___= The thing about baby's expected weight is you have to add or minus 500g from the estimation. So Baby A could be 4kg ++ when he is out or 500g lighter. I hope for the latter. *gulp*

B and I are small. Berkerut jugakla dahi Dr Ishaireen when the machine showed Baby's A estimated weight. B's family also are mostly small built, my mom's side also small. Mesti dapat gene from my Abah's side.haha and I have no gestational diabetes in case you are wondering =)

Next week, if I'm still not in labor Dr Ishaireen is gonna shove into my hoo haa (vaginal examination). From what I heard, it's going to be a bit painful *sweat*. She wants to check whether I can do normal delivery or not because my baby is quite big for my size. If there's no sign of labor on 27/8/2013, Doc is gonna induce me the next day. She doesnt want to take the risk to wait till 7 days after EDD because my baby grows like a champion haha. Usually Doc will wait 7 days after EDD to induce but me no mommy cant wait.

So baby, we want normal delivery right? Come out soon so you wont sulk when the drug force you to come out. And give at least 24hours notice before arrival so Daddy can hop on a plane and be here at the right time.

Slept in the guest room last night because the aircond in my room is leaking. Plus, suddenly I hate my room. Too cluttered with baby and mommy stuffs.

Actually I hate sleeping there coz B has gone back to Bintulu. =(

Struggle

One thing I learn in life:

Only we can truly understand our own struggle. So dont butthurt when others dont and just walk away.

No matter how much you hate and keep whining about people dont understand your situation, save your time because they actually dont. I dont understand your struggle too. So I dont expect you to understand mine. Yess it hurts sometimes but what can we do? Be angry? Be cynical?

No one understands when I told them how itchy my belly is. All they said is 'jangan garu, jangan garu'. I can't. Coz it's freakin' itchy!

ok takde kaitan.miahahahah

Be thankful that we have to struggle coz without struggling, you wont find your strength. At least now I know how much I can tolerate the pain after I scratch my belly.hahaha

ok lagi sekali takde kaitan =p

Itchy Belly

I have talked about how itchy my belly was since few months ago.

Little did I know the worst was yet to come.

And the worst arrived about 4 days ago. It started with a normal itch below my belly button. I rubbed gently but then it wasnt enough.

Slowly, the mild itchiness escalated to super itch to extreme itch. Driving me INSANE! No, I'm not exaggerating. The itchiness was unbearable at times that you could see me jumping up and down while scratching, woken up suddenly in the middle of the night and scratched or just cried like a little girl. It's super bad. Super bad that I dont care if my belly gonna be ugly in the future. T___T

The super crazy itch would last up to 1 minute and after one minute of scratching, the needle pain came. Super pedih that would last for the whole day. And usually, usually la....it would be complemented with tears.

My belly, already 80% covered with stripes now looking super reddish due to constant scratching and rashes.I have applied everything that I thought would be safe for the baby. I showered. I stood in front of a table fan just to cool off the rashes. I stop eating seafood except for fish...Some did work, some...

I went for another check-up today with Dr. Ishaireen. She said my belly condition is quite severe but it's normal among some moms. She said this could be due to my body rejecting the hormones but she said at least I'm at my final stage now so the torment wont be long. If the baby decides to stick in longer, I have another 12 days to.........cry endure. Haha

Anyhoo, I'm not complaining but documenting this part of my journey. God has given me a smooth pregnancy journey but He is testing me in the last 2 and half week maybe less of the journey with this itch. What's important is my baby is safe. But mommy is sorry if you feel a lil discomfort due to mommy scratching like a mad woman.hahahaha

 This will be my mantra till the itchiness stops =)

That's not human

My right foot has been swollen for a week straight now with no sign to subside. The left foot is slightly swollen even that was on and off. My O&G told me Baby A loves to lepak on the right side of the belly hence putting more pressure on the right side. Even the stretchmarks appear more on my right side. So imbalance =__=

Anyhoo, B was massaging my right foot 2 nights ago when both of us noticed something.

But!!

If you cant tolerate swollen ugly foot, it's the best to leave now.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Have you left? Sure want to continue?

*

*

*
*
*
*

*

Ok, at least I've warned you =p

 

This is my swollen right foot. My toes are super fat and to me they look like ulat mulung.hahahaa B was massaging it the other night.

While massaging, I told B to press the swollen area. So he pressed using two fingers for few seconds. And.....

 

 

There was a hole right there for few seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh...how is that even human??

So I took my turn to press and felt how soft the area was. it's like pressing on errr...haish...dunno how to describe...but soft. few seconds later it returned to its original look.

My feet had been swollen few times now and subsided. But this time it sticks. Mom said when the swell leaves, it's time to pop!

Kamon baby! Pop now!

Pregnancy Update #Week37

Week 37. Super excited to see Baby A!!!

Colorful raya outfit =___=

How far along? 37 weeks and 6 days!! No sign of labor..yet....kamon baby kamonnnnnnn!!!

 

Size of the baby? My baby is the size of a errmm...dunno...bigger than a coconut maybe.haha

 

Weight gain? It's raya week...so....erm....gained 2kgs now...67kg...hehe

 

Belly condition? Crazy itchy. I scratched now. Feel bad about it but if I didnt, I feel like rubbing the belly against the wall.

 

Energy level? ok la..

 

Sleep? Troubled. But at this stage, it's normal

 

Maternity clothes? Symptoms? I believe i'm having Braxton Hicks now. I think so la coz the pain matches the descriptions.hehe elephant swollen feet still around

 

Comfort level? none. I sweat most of the time and I hate it.

 

Cravings? No cravings but I have a list of food I want to eat before I pop and confinement starts.hehe

 

Best moment of the week? When my midwife told me Baby has drops a.k.a engaged a.k.a at the position of pushing himself out. Any moment now.

What I miss the most? My non-swollen feet.haha

 

What I look forward to? Baby A's arrival. Kamon baby!!! you can do it!!

 

Weekly Wisdom? Kamon baby kamon!! Pop now!!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

I would like to wish Selamat Hari Raya to all my readers. Hope all of you are having a blast celebration with the loved ones coz I certainly had and still having =)

 

Mom-in-law bought one maroon jubah to match with B's baju melayu but it was too tight for my bump. So had to wear anything that fits. Bummer! But still had fun tho.hehe

 

 

With my auntie, a mother of 3, my cousin who gave birth 3 months ago and me. My inspiration to get back into shape..haha

 

Black dress can never hide me anymore.

I carried my camera with me the whole day. As someone who does not like to take pictures or too lazy to take the camera out from my handbag, I only took 4 pictures for raya. Naisssss~~

One more from my auntie's camera:

Happy Eid from the three of us =))

p/s abaikan mak buyong yg terkangkang.it's a natural pose.haha

Beta Thalassaemia Trait

Yesterday, the nurse from Klinik Desa in my village called and told me she had set up an appointment with a doctor at a gov clinic in Masjid Tanah. At this stage of waiting game, I was super lazy to go but still, I went coz B was around.hehe

Good thing I went coz finally my blood test result was ready.

I did one blood test in March and now in August I finally got to see it. Lama giler!

The result confirmed that I have Beta Thalassaemia Trait. What's that?

A lil summary:

• Beta thalassemia affects the hemoglobin in the red blood cells.
• All red blood cells contain hemoglobin, which carries oxygen from the lungs to all parts of the body. People with beta thalassemia do not make enough hemoglobin.
• People with beta thalassemia trait have both normal hemoglobin A and the abnormal beta thalassemia (β) hemoglobin in their red blood cells.
• Beta thalassemia is common in people of African, Mediterranean, Asian and Middle Eastern descent.

People with beta thalassemia trait do not have Beta Thalassemia disease or sickle cell disease. They cannot develop these diseases later in life. They can pass beta thalassemia trait to their children.

Well, that kinda explain my forever low HB reading. haha I was not surprised to know the result though because my cousin had a son with thalassaemia major. It runs in our blood. It's just that the result was kinda late after I consumed too many things that even to think about them make me nauseous =__='

Buttttt! Because of that the doc has ordered B to do some blood test today to make sure he's not a carrier like me.hahaha I hope he's not coz if he is.....our babies...you know....

It's true what people said. You get to know yourself better when you are pregnant.haha

Pregnancy Update #Week36

Any moment from now to 3 weeks to come, insyaAllah the bun in my oven is gonna be well baked =)

 Everytime I look at this photo, my mind would shout, how is that a human body capable to grow that much?hahaha

How far along? 36 weeks and 5 days!! Alhamdulillah Any moment now my oven is going 'tingggg!!'

 

Size of the baby? My baby is the size of a coconut. Last check up estimated tt baby is 3.1kg already =)

 

Weight gain? Still at 65kg, just like last week.

 

Belly condition? From very itchy to super extremely itchy especially in the morning. I couldnt stop myself from scratching anymore. sob sob sob.

Energy level? so so.

 

Sleep? Hard especially at night. But I could catch 2hours nap in the afternoon.hoho

 

Maternity clothes? Symptoms? Swollen feet, pain around pelvic area, numbness

 

Comfort level? erm..

 

Cravings? nada...i eat almost everything now. so no craving

 

Best moment of the week? When Adam kissed my belly and said I'm gonna have a 'kombam' (chubby) baby.hehehehehe

What I miss the most? My husband...

 

What I look forward to? See hubby tomorrow night =))

 

Weekly Wisdom? Endure endure endure. 3 more weeks mommy!

Last Day of School for 2013...

...only for me!me!me!

Alhamdulillah, I have survived this year's schooling period. Now I'm taking a long leave to rest my mind (giiiituuuhhhhh) and spend as much time as possible with Baby A and le hubs. InsyaAllah =)

Anyhoo, Friday was a short day. We had Majlis Khatam Quran so I got to meet most colleagues to apologize and ask for their prayers.hehe But didnt get to see the non-academic staffs thou. Was rushing back to go for check up.huhu

Anyhoo, the sweetest thanggg was when my Form 6 students surprised me. They called one teacher and that teacher told me the kids wanted to see me for the last time. (They are Upper 6 students so wont see them anymore). They wanted to meet in class =___=. Their class was on the top floor of a 3storey building. Nehmind la...last trip before I pop.hehe

I was panting and sweating when I arrrived and was welcomed with congratulatory shouts and screams from the kids. Teacher almost cried! They collected money and bought a baby hamper to give to me.

I no like attention so I was very shy surrounded by 33 kids.hehe But deep in my heart I was so touched.

We took pictures, I gave a short speech (these were my first real group of students) so my emotional attachment was quite strong.huhu They thanked me, I thanked them and wished them good luck for STPM. Such good kids they were. And the fact that they all made effort to come on the last day of school including this one boy who was forever MIA but was there just to see me. Sobs sobs!

Excited Mak Buyong  =___=

Mak Buyong wiz all the slimzz gurlssss...

 Ze boyzzz

I will definitely miss all of you...

Thank you for being my students. Thanks for giving me tips on how to handle students. I was too lenient with all of you and I learnt my lesson well.haha the lower 6 group has no chance like you all.

Wonderful 2013.

See you in 2014!!!!

Worst Feeling

It's 3 am in the morning. I cant sleep. The worst thing to feel when the world is asleep around you: Lonely.

I feel so lonely and broken inside.

I think I'm tired.

Lesgo back to bed.

Things to Ponder

I posted about mean mothers some times ago. Lately, this issue about breastfeeding keeps appearing in my head. If you have already joined any motherhood blogs or forums, you would have seen or read some very mean comments from moms who condemn other mothers for not breastfeeding their babies. 

So the past few days my mind keeps wondering about these:

Anak-anak memang berhak minum susu ibu. Tapi kalau memang dah bukan rezeki, macam mana? I have few colleagues who did everything they could to make sure their supply never cease. Tapi memang tak ada rezeki. Ada sebulan je. Ada sampai 6 bulan. Itupun dah syukur sangat-sangat. Tapi dia orang tetap dikondem oleh ibu-ibu mithali yang bangga or in this case to me is riak dapat bagi susu sampai dua tahun atau lebih. Kesian tau. Kalau aku yang kena kondem gila2 macam ni pun boleh stress.

Sampai ada yang sanggup keluar statement, anak aku lebih pandai dari anak kau sebab dapat susu ibu. What the fish wehhhhh.....

Adakah sebab susu ibu semata anak jadi genius?

Adakah sebab susu ibu semata anak jadi khalifah agung di muka bumi?

Adakah sebab susu ibu semata anak kau lagi baik dari anak orang lain?

Have you heard about nature vs nurture notion? Go google.

Lantang betul ibu-ibu macam ni. Mulut longkang. Sekali Tuhan tarik balik rezeki tu baru tau. And also show some good attitude moms. Mengata dan merendah-rendahkan orang lain is not the thing you want your babies to follow suit.

Just some things to ponder mommies. If you disagree, it's up to you. If you agree, still up to you. Just dont spill it around me can?

I'm not condemning mom's milk but mean mothers. So jgn terasa yang bukan2 ok? =)

Selamat Berpuasa!