Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Depressing week

Things have gotten so depressing around me. And with no B around, I get pretty emotional too easily nowadays. For once and for all, lemme ramble about pregnancy stuff and I'll be done with it.

I've been married for 6 months (yeayyyy and Alhamdulillah). and because of that, people expect me to have that baby bump by now. becomes too hard for me to bear, the expectation that is. And when the people around me are popping babies or expecting babies, I feel stress. But the stress has never come from me or my husband. We are happy to wait, but not the community.

It becomes worst when every uncommon thing people will relate it to me 'expecting'. Like for examples;

When I craved for certain food

When I got headache

When I binged eating

When I shopped for Poplook like nobody's business

When I drank lotsa plain water

When I seemed tired most of the time.

It's tiring to fake that smile and to explain there's no bird dropping any baby soon.

We all crave for food. Not just when you are pregnant, but during PMS period too.

I always get headache, especially when the day is too bright for my eyes. That's why I hate being outdoors.

I binge-eat when I'm stress or when B is around. Still no baby.

The reason I bought 5 Pennies from Poplook was because B loves seeing me wearing them. Not that I'm expecting any baby girl.

My throat is always dry and I have a potential to get tonsillitis. I cant drink too much cold beverages. Just last week I took a sip or two of carrot juice and fever visited me for 4 days. That's how sensitive my throat is. 

I am always tired. Ask B if you dont believe. When B and I were dating, I usually dozed off in the car, in the cinema at certain time of the day. I took supplement but still am easily tired.

Seeeeeeeeeee, I have explanations for everything. And I'm not pregnant. So stop all this nonsense. Please.

Some assume that B and I are planning our family. That hurts the most. I dont know why but it hurts me.

I know I dont owe any explanation to the people. I'm strong but I do feel paranoid sometimes.

I once told B if I cant give him children, we'll adopt. It seems easy but every single word I uttered to him my heart broke piece by piece. It's like admitting that I'm a disabled person.

This is not a random post. I've been having this pressure months ago. I hope I will never talk about this issue ever again. Allah knows best. HE KNOWS BEST.
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