Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I am still in tearing mood today.But better than yesterday. But my stomach pain is still visiting.

I used up my whole morning watching How I Met Your Mother because I want to make myself laugh. I took silly pictures of my face and laughed about it. I reedit my assignment. and eat. I am sure my weight is gonna hit 55kgs soon. But you know what, I dont care anymore. Food make me happy. at least for now.

Apart from the useless activities above, I went Tumblring. No, I dont do Tumblr. I randomly read and jump from one account to another. But its one of the source of my strength. Through that medium, I always know that I am not alone. Everyone around the whole must have their own problems, difficulties, downside. And they can put it beautifully in words or pictures instead of long post of blog. oh well, that was me.hahahaha

I dont know but God must have had His own plan. I figured out many quotes or saying that is like a slap on my face or console me in some weird ways. But here are my favourites:

"People cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for too long"

"I hate it when my anger turn into tears"

"Don't judge me, you only see what I choose to show you"

For the first quote, it reflects me real hard. I guess I have been keeping most of my emotions to myself for too long. I did tell B some but when I did, it usually came with laughter. Maybe he never knew how serious some of the problems to me. sometimes I did think that my problems are not the worst in the world. It wont affect any economical and political situations, at all. that's why I rather keep it to myself than plastering it on other people's life. well, that's just me, you know.

The second one, that always happen to me. Honestly since I was young, i have anger management issues. What more if I were provoked. I remembered at a tender age of 7, I threw a piece of coconut shell straight to my cousin's head because he made fun of me. He was bleeding. Then only I realized what i had done. I got scolded pretty bad for that. Then I was 11 years old. I had an argument with another cousin. I was so angry I didn't realize that I slapped him so hard that shocked the rest of my family. and another one when I was 12, I was playing chess with my cousin too. Another cousin who laid on the carpet next to me kept saying that I was gonna lose. I was provoked that I didnt realise i hit his face. see see...let's not go into my life as a teenager. I guess by that time, my parents would have realised how unstable my emotions were. that's why they were less strain on me compared to my brother. But as I grow older, I started to control my emotions. Less physical abuse. I cry instead. And it usually takes few days before I get better. Oh terpanjang pulak cerita kan...well, that's basically how i was.

For the third quote, I basically had explained in the paragraph above.

Actually this post intends to cover up my ass for crying like a girl last night. It was STILL one of the most embarrassing moment in my life and I still feel like a jerk for ruining everyone's night. arghhhhhhhhhh memalukan!


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