Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Iboh mejal ba~~

Aku diam salah, sik diam salah..why on earth you wanna make your happiness my responsibility?? 

Either way, I am the mean one. If I say I dont have time to talk, meaning I really dont have time to talk. You want me to email you schedule isit? But lemme tell you my schedule k. If you really dont believe me that I am fucking busy.

8.30am - going to PUSKEB to beg for costumes. If attempt fail, I am going to Kajang looking for rental lengga or any other way so that we can perform in peace tonight.
2 pm - Full rehearsal at DTAMS. 
5pm - Another rehearsal at Dtams
7.30- Our so called Malam Ambang Graduan  (Yeay =.=)
11 pm - back in my chamber...doing assignments

Heard that Drama practice will run till afternoon.
At night = if have time, might go looking for B's baju for tunang (yesss, his got no proper shirt for that day) and later assigment time oh and draw maps to my house.

Morning = practice
Afternoon = entertain B's family. They are coming to get the hantarans.
Night = Since I am not presenting, I will try my group members to finish up whatever works left. Oh. Friday is the due date for ALL assignments.
Very late at night = pick my brother's up from the airport. Going back to Melaka straight away.

at home. doing stuffs and not lay on the couch watching tv.

Itu belum tolak makan minum, tido berak lagi. 

See see see......berapa kali ku mok ulang the world doesnt revolve around you?? Boleh sik iboh mejal? If i am ready to meet you I'll meet you. I am the type that will cool down after certain period. sik payah mok jumpa2 minta maaf pun sikpa. Kau mejal. Makin la aku manas. Macam aku sekda keja nak buat nak? Kinek tok kau buat muka kesian. Alu aku la the bitch here.

I am this close (tunjuk dengan jari macam orang dlm movie selalu buat) to losing my mind. Dengan costumes MAG lagi, dengan Make up ( yes dr norazah has too much expectation), digital project yang belum start, things at home yang semua tunggu aku balik baru nak settle and you. Ko ingat aku sik stress ka? Ko ingat aku dok gelak2 suka hati? aku under lotsa pressure right now. 

Ko ingat cdak family lelaki datang thursday aku bersuka ria ka? They will come HERE, UKM.You think i am happy to see my boyfriend?? AKU NERVOUS!! Ramai yang datang. aku nervous takut diorang tak suka hantaran tu. takut tak suka dengan aku. takut terkecik hati ke apa. ada pernah kau fikir?? ko paham sik almost 90% of the preparation aku yang handle?? 

Hal dekat rumah. mak aku sorang-2 dekat rumah. dahla tak sihat. adik beradik aku balik semua hari jumaat. kerusi meja semua tunggu aku balik baru angkat. door gift belum siap. bahulu dengan kek aku belum ambik. bilik belum kemas. rumah belum kemas. mom always expresses her concern about the unsettled things. She's worried that we cannot get things done on time. Mestila i console her. takkan aku nak bagi dia lebih risau kot. padahal dalam hati, aku pun risau. ko ingat aku pernah cerita ka dengan orang hal rumah aku?? aku diam2 jak. 3MINGGU AKU STAY KAT UKM SO THAT I CAN COMMIT MYSELF TO THE CLASS FOR DRAMA because aku rasa bersalah this friday aku balik awal. and sebab assignment yang lain. Ko mok gilak tangga aku berterus terang nak?? if you can cry, i can too. and kinek I am crying because finally aku luah kan semua. all this while, i never tell  about my concern to anyone. not even my room mate. not even my boyfriend. and the reason because we are far away. Aku simok nya risau. dont want my mom to worry. Aku diam -diam jak. 

So pernah kau fikir?? Kau ingat aku ego gilak ka? I HAVE MATTERS TO CONCERN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. dah puas hati??? Sorry we have to meet this way. I am scared if I see you, things tHat happened few years ago will happen again. If you think you are the victim, tertindas ka. think more.

To another friend who's trying to be the middle man, this is why I refuse any. aku penat. aku ngantok. aku gastrik. aku sakit palak. gila jak belum. I cannot handle anymore touching touching stuffs because i am emotionally not stable. I hope you can understand. At least she got you to express her feeling, i got no one.

And because i force to express my feelings today, I am angrier now. If you want things to get better, gimme some space. I mean really heeeyuuuugeeee space.


P/S My cousin, who's like a sister to me cannot come on that day T___T


Sue Andy's said...

all the best jee. ignore jak benda yang x penting pada masa-masa genting mcm tok. :) if u need a hand jumaat tok aku ada d Melaka.

sword said...

sbr ,k..dugaan suma tok..insyaallah ada hkmah d sebalik semua tok,k..even kita jauh.i will do my best to make u feel better..

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